Tag: Mike Dunleavy (Page 2 of 3)

What goes through my brain…

…when I read a Bill Simmons mailbag.

Anyway, there was a really funny moment Thursday that could have only happened at a Lakers game. Near the end of a third-quarter timeout, the camera caught Val Kilmer and three of his chins on the JumboTron, punctuating the moment by playing “Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins. You know, a “Top Gun” homage. He took a second or two to get the joke, then unleashed one of those “Very funny, you got me, just know that I’m on a lot of meds right now” smiles. And this would have been enjoyable on its own, but they cut to someone else in the stands. …

That’s right. …

Tom Cruise!

He caught on a little quicker and did the Tom Cruise Over-Laugh. And this would have been great on its own, but the Lakers pushed it to another level: They went split-screen with Kilmer and Cruise with “Danger Zone” still blasting. As far as I was concerned, this was the most emotional reunion in Lakers history. Cruise kept laughing; Kilmer looked mildly perturbed. (After all, he’s an actor, dammit! That was 23 years ago! He’s made a lot of movies since then!) At this point, I was praying they’d cut to Anthony Edwards in Section 312 but he wasn’t there.

Ha! Great one about Anthony Edwards sitting in the upper level.

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Griffin is a great fit for the Clips

Truthfully, Blake Griffin would be a great fit just about anywhere, but the Los Angeles Clippers can really use him. He’s athletic, has an improving offensive game and can really rebound. He has the potential to be a franchise power forward.

When the Clippers signed Baron Davis to a fat contract last summer, things we’re looking up for a franchise that only had one winning season in the last 185 years. But the Baron Davis/Elton Brand marriage was not to be when the latter signed his own fat contract with the Philadelphia 76ers. The Clippers (a.k.a. GM/coach Mike Dunleavy) overreacted by trading for Zach Randolph, and they would be so much better off right now had they showed some restraint.

Had the Clippers held onto Cuttino Mobley and Tim Thomas, they would have an additional $17.3 million in cap space (for a total of $27-$28 M) heading into the summer of 2010. With that much cap space and a core of Griffin, Davis, Kaman, Eric Gordon and Al Thornton, the Clippers would have really been in business. They wouldn’t have been able to woo LeBron or Wade, but Bosh or Stoudemire would be possibilities, as would Joe Johnson. Now they are locked into Randolph for two more years at the tune of $33.3 million and won’t have the cap space next summer to sign a star.

Obviously, landing the right to draft Griffin last night was huge for this franchise. Now they just need to can Dunleavy and find someone who knows what they’re doing. Honestly, he should have been fired on the spot when he suggested the team trade for Randolph.

It’s going to take a while for the Clippers to turn things around, but with a young core of Griffin and Gordon, the potential is there. Last night was a big step in the right direction, though don’t underestimate Dunleavy’s ability to screw things up.

The NBA’s 68 worst contracts

The economy is really starting to take its toll on professional sports, and the NBA is no different. Bad contracts are bad even when the economy is pumping, but they really stand out in tough times like these. So I decided to look through the payrolls team-by-team to try to identify the worst contracts in the NBA. I expected to list 15-20 names, but I ended up scribbling down 68. That’s right, there are no fewer than 68 bad contracts in the NBA.

I didn’t include any of the players that are in the final year of their contracts because…well, what’s the point? They’ll be off the books in a few months anyway. Instead, I wanted to focus on those contracts that are going to haunt teams for years to come, so to be eligible, players have to have at least a year left on their current deals.

It’s tough to compare someone making superstar money to an average, everyday role player, so I split these 68 contracts up into three groups: the Overpaid Role Players, the Not-So-Super Stars and the Injury-Prones. I will rank them from least-worst to most-worst with the thinking that I wouldn’t trade the player for anyone further down the list but I would trade him for anyone previously mentioned. So, for example, if a guy is listed #7 within a particular group, I’m not trading him for anyone ranked #6-#1, but I would think seriously about moving him for a guy that is ranked #8+.

So let’s start with the role players and go from there…

(Note: In most cases, I don’t blame the player himself for his outrageous contract. The fault lies with the general manager that inked the guy to the deal. However, this rule goes out the window if the player has a history of only producing in his contract year – I’m looking at you, Tim Thomas.)

THE OVERPAID ROLE PLAYERS

Guys That I Wouldn’t Mind Having On My Team

36. Shane Battier (two years, $14.3 million)
6.7 ppg, 4.9 rpg
I know he’s supposed to be the “no-stat MVP,” but $7 million per season seems like a lot to pay for a defensive specialist who only gets 0.7 steals per game. Plus, when he shaves his head, you can almost see his brain.

35. Jason Maxiell (four years, $20 million)
5.4 ppg, 3.9 rpg
Maxiell’s Player Efficiency Rating (15.79) is above average. But why pay the guy if you aren’t going to play him?

34. Andres Nocioni (three years, $21.0 million)
10.5 ppg, 4.2 rpg, 41% FG%
Nocioni can ball, but $7 mil a season is a steep price to pay for 11 and 4. We’ll see if he blossoms now that he’s outside of Luol Deng’s shadow.

33. Nick Collison (two years, $13.2 million)
7.9 ppg, 6.8 rpg
You’d think this guy would have a killer 18-footer by now.

32. Ronny Turiaf (three years, $12.5 million)
5.5 ppg, 4.0 rpg
He plays hard, but any number of guys in the D-league and overseas that can do what he does at a fraction of the price.

I Only Want Him On My Team In A Contract Year

31. Tim Thomas (one year, $6.5 million)
9.3 ppg, 3.3 rpg
“Tiny” Tim is the poster boy for guys that only produce when they’re playing for a new contract. Ernie Grunfeld, GM of my beloved Bucks, signed him back in ’00 to a six-year deal worth $68 million and then, six underachieving years later, the Clippers were so enamored with his performance against them in the playoffs that inked him to a four-year deal worth $24 million. This clown has a career average of 11.7 points and 4.2 rebounds and he has made more than $84 million thus far. Sorry, I have to go throw up…

…okay, I’m back.

The Expiring Contracts

30. Darko Milicic (one year, $7.5 million)
6.3 ppg, 4.8 rpg
29. Mike James (one year, $6.5 million)
8.6 ppg, 3.2 apg
28. Antonio Daniels (one year, $6.6 million)
4.4 ppg, 2.8 apg
27. Earl Watson (one year, $6.6 million)
6.0 ppg, 5.7 apg, 37% FG%
26. Tony Battie (one year, $6.3 million)
4.4 ppg, 3.6 rpg
25. Brian Cardinal (one year, $6.8 million)
2.0 ppg, 1.8 rpg
24. Etan Thomas (one year, $7.4 million)
3.1 ppg, 2.6 rpg
23. Mark Blount (one year, $8.0 million)
3.9 ppg, 1.8 rpg
22. Jerome James (one year, $6.6 million)
3.0 ppg, 1.5 rpg
21. Kenny Thomas (one year, $8.8 million)
0.8 ppg, 1.9 rpg
20. Bobby Simmons (one year, $11.2 million)
8.0 ppg, 4.4 rpg
Expect to hear “__________’s expiring contract” a lot next February. Seriously, these guys will be involved in all sorts of trade scenarios, but in this economy, most teams will just hold onto them and let their salaries come off the cap. What’s sad is that most of these guys are useless, yet they’ll make more in one season than most of us will in our lifetimes.

Great, now I’m depressed.

All They Can Do Is Shoot, But That’s Something

19. Jason Kapono (two years, $12.9 million)
8.4 ppg, 2.1 rpg
18. Sasha Vujacic (two years, $10.5 million)
5.7 ppg, 1.6 apg
17. Daniel Gibson (three years, $12.5 million)
8.1 ppg, 38% FG%
16. Vladimir Radmanovic (two years, $13.4 million)
10.5 ppg, 4.0 rpg, 1.6 apg
15. Morris Peterson (two years, $12.2 million)
5.4 ppg, 2.1 rpg
After signing a three-year deal, setting himself up for life, Vujacic’s shooting numbers have dropped eight percent from the field and almost nine percent from three-point range. (Like he needed to be more annoying.) And I don’t think the Cavs had 38% shooting in mind when they inked Boobie to a long-term deal; the play of Delonte West has made Gibson expendable. As for Radmanovic, he is arguably the worst defender in the league. Really. Just watch him on that end of the court sometime. He’s totally lost. His awareness in NBA 2K9 should be zero.

One Good Year Does Not a Starting Point Guard Make

14. Marcus Banks (two years, $9.4 million)
2.7 ppg, 1.3 apg
13. Beno Udrih (four years, $26.7 million)
10.9 ppg, 4.3 apg
12. Marko Jaric (two years, $14. 7 million)
1.8 ppg, 0.9 rpg, 27% FG%
Sure, Udrih is overpaid and the Kings were dumb to sign him long-term. But the guy can run an offense and that’s still something. But I wonder — does Marko’s new bride (Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima, pictured below) know that he’s not getting any minutes for one of the worst teams in the league? Does she care? Does he care?

After looking at that picture, do I care?

The Not-So-Special Specialists

11. Reggie Evans (two years, $10 million)
2.7 ppg, 4.7 rpg
10. Jared Jeffries (two years, $13.4 million)
4.6 ppg, 4.0 rpg
Here we have the Rebounder and the Defender. Too bad that’s all either guy can do. Jeffries is a poor man’s Battier. (I don’t really know what that even means.)

The Big Stiffs

9. Darius Songaila (two years $9.3 million)
6.7 ppg, 2.6 rpg
8. Joel Pryzbilla (two years, $14.3 million)
5.2 ppg, 8.1 rpg
7. Erick Dampier (one year, $12.1 million)
5.3 ppg, 7.0 rpg, 1.3 bpg
6. Nazr Mohammed (two years, $13.4 million)
2.5 ppg, 2.0 rpg
5. Dan Gadzuric (two years, $14.0 million)
3.5 ppg, 3.5 rpg
Now that’s a list of overpaid backup centers. The Bucks drafted Andrew Bogut in June 2005 then sign Gadzuric to a long-term deal two months later. How does this make sense? Since when does being seven-foot and being able to get up and down the court in a reasonable amount of time entitle you to a multi-million dollar contract?

What In the World Were They Thinking?

4. Jamaal Tinsley (two years, $14.9 million)
No stats in 2008-09
The Pacers have been trying to get rid of Tinsley for a while now but they can’t find any takers. I wonder why…

3. Matt Carroll (four years, $16.4 million)
3.3 ppg, 1.3 rpg, 39% FG%
The Mavs had to take on Carroll’s brutal contract to get rid of the #1 guy on this list, so this is actually an improvement for Mark Cuban. Carroll is proof positive that if you can average double-digit points in your contract year for one of the worst teams in the league, you can parlay that into a deal worth $20 million. Right place, right time…

2. Luke Walton (four years, $21.6 million)
4.9 ppg, 2.5 apg, 2.5 rpg
I’m of the school that Luke wouldn’t have signed this big of a contract if his last name wasn’t “Walton.” Hell, if not for that family name, I’d argue that he wouldn’t even be in the NBA. He’s a 6’8” white dude who can’t shoot but I’m told that “he knows how to play the game.” Seriously, there are a half a dozen guys like that in my rec league (and they can shoot it better than he does).

1. DeSagana Diop (four years, $26.8 million)
3.3 ppg, 3.8 rpg, 0.8 bpg
How does a guy that has never averaged more than 3.3 points or 5.4 rebounds a game get a five-year deal worth $31 million? He’s a great shot-blocker, you say? His career high in blocks is 1.8 – that’s worth $6 million per season? Really? I thought America was a meritocracy…

THE (NOT-SO-SUPER)STARS

18. Vince Carter (two years, $33.6 million)
20.5 ppg, 5.0 rpg, 4.8 apg
Is he playing well? Absolutely. Is he worth every penny? Not so much. The Nets couldn’t give him away at the trade deadline.

17. Richard Jefferson (two years, $29.4 million)
18.3 ppg, 4.7 rpg, 2.4 apg, 43% FG%
He’s helped the Bucks stay competitive, but the franchise is in dire financial shape. He’s worth $10-$11 mil per season, not $15 million.

16. Rashard Lewis (three years, $58.7 million)
18.4 ppg, 5.9 rpg
Yes, he’s overpaid, but at least he can shoot – and he’s perfect for what Orlando wants to do.

15. Mike Dunleavy (two years, $20.4 million)
15.1 ppg, 3.8 rpg, 2.4 apg
Mike, Jr. finally lived up to his bloated contract last season and then he got hurt. Perfect. Man, it’s been a rough year for the Dunleavys.

14. Antawn Jamison (three years, $40.1 million)
21.6 ppg, 9.2 rpg, 2.0 apg
It’s hard to know how bad this contract will look in a year or two. He’s still producing, albeit for a bad team.

13. Andrei Kirilenko (two years, $34.3 million)
12.4 ppg, 5.3 rpg, 3.0 apg
This contract has looked awful for a long time now. He inked his deal before the arrival of Carlos Boozer and Deron Williams and the Jazz have been counting the minutes since.

12. Troy Murphy (two years, $23.0 million)
13.9 ppg, 11.8 rpg
Call me crazy, but at essentially the same price, I’d rather have Murphy for two years than the next guy for five.

11. Emeka Okafor (five years, $62.5 million)
14.1 ppg, 10.6 rpg, 1.7 bpg
Welcome to cap hell, Charlotte.

10. Andre Iguodala (five years, $68.6 million)
18.0 ppg, 5.4 apg, 6.0 rpg
Don’t get me wrong – Iggy is a solid player. Just not $13.7 mil-per-season solid.

9. Luol Deng (five years, $61.7 million)
14.1 ppg, 6.0 rpg, 1.9 apg
A 14/6 guy is worth $12 mil a year? Really? Someone call Drew Gooden and tell him he’s in for a payday this summer. (Relax, Bulls fans, at least Deng is just 23.)

8. Kirk Hinrich (three years, $26.5 million)
9.4 ppg, 4.2 apg, 43% FG%
What happened to him? His career was on the slide even before Derrick Rose came to town. This is a guy that is in desperate need of a change of scenery.

7. Larry Hughes (one year, $13.7 million)
11.9 ppg, 1.9 apg, 2.9 rpg
6. Ben Wallace (one year, $14.0 million)
3.0 ppg, 6.6 rpg, 1.4 bpg
Hey, at least these ridonkuous contracts only last one more year. I am sick and tired of talking about how they’re overpaid.

5. Stephen Jackson (four years, $35.6 million)
21.1 ppg, 6.4 apg, 41% FG%
4. Corey Maggette (four years, $39.7 million)
19.8 ppg, 5.6 rpg
While Jackson’s numbers are decent, he’s a volume shooter and he’s already 30 – imagine how bad this contract is going to look in a couple of years. The same goes for Maggette. Don’t forget that playing in Golden State inflates those numbers. Geesh!

3. Baron Davis (four years, $53.8 million)
15.3 ppg, 7.9 apg, 3.5 rpg, 36% FG%
I wonder if the Clips want a do-over. Davis is a good player, but not $13.5 million-per-year good. What’s sad is that I really like watching Davis play. He should be playing for a contender. Elton Brand really did a number on this guy.

2. Zach Randolph (two years, $33.3 million)
21.8 ppg, 10.5 rpg
Don’t be fooled by those numbers. Randolph is a $9 million-per-year player in a $16 million-per-year contract. He makes a killing scoring and rebounding for terrible teams.

1. Peja Stojakovic (two years, $27.7 million)
13.8 ppg, 4.4 rpg
Sure, he’s averaging almost 14 points per game, but he’s shooting just 40% from the field. This trade actually forced the Hornets to try to give their third-best player, Tyson Chandler, away. Since they acquired Peja, New Orleans has had absolutely no cap flexibility. This is the move that may ultimately keep the Hornets out of the Finals, at least for the next couple of seasons. They rolled the dice that Peja could still shoot and it came up snake eyes.

THE INJURY-PRONES

14. Shaquille O’Neal (one year, $21 million)
18.2 ppg, 8.8 rpg, 1.5 bpg
Yes, he’s having a good year, but he’s not worth $21 million. While the next guy is the better center, at least Shaq has proven he can take a team to the Promised Land. The Cavs may ultimately regret not adding him at the expense of Wally Szczerbiak and Sasha Pavlovic at the trade deadline.

13. Yao Ming (two years, $34.1 million)
19.8 ppg, 9.6 rpg
Don’t get me wrong – Yao has a great game. I love it. But I don’t think you can build around a guy who has missed more than a third of his games in the last three seasons. And his foot problems are only going to get worse, right?

12. Nene Hilario (three years, $33.5 million)
14.8 ppg, 7.9 rpg
He’s productive when he plays, but this guy is an injury waiting to happen. Prior to this season, he missed 40% of Denver’s games over his first six years.

11. Andrew Bogut (five years, $60.0 million)
11.7 ppg, 10.3 rpg, 1.0 bpg
I like Bogut’s hard-nosed style, but it seems to be taking its toll on his body. He has missed more than a quarter of his games over the past three seasons. Now he has back pain — that’s easy to fix, right?

10. Jason Richardson (two years, $27.8 million)
17.0 ppg, 4.3 rpg, 2.2 apg
J-Rich is a solid player. Just not $13.9 mil-per-season solid.

9. Michael Redd (two years, $35.3 million)
21.2 ppg, 3.2 rpg, 2.7 apg
Over the last three years, Redd has missed 36% of the Bucks’ games. I think it’s safe to say he’s injury-prone. I do love this former second round pick, but he’s not living up to his contract. I want to see an efficent, 18+ point season with the Bucks getting out of the first round of the playoffs. Then I’ll be happy.

8. Jermaine O’Neal (one year, $23.0 million)
13.5 ppg, 6.9 rpg
In the previous four seasons, O’Neal has missed 37% of his team’s games. Wowsers. The guy still has skills, if he can only stay upright.

7. Tracy McGrady (one year, $22.5 million)
15.6 ppg, 5.0 apg, 4.4 rpg, 39% FG%
One more year and the Rockets will be able to free themselves from this albatross of a contract. Remember when people used to argue about who was the better shooting guard – Kobe or T-Mac? That seems like such a loooooong time ago.

6. Kenyon Martin (two years, $32.2 million)
12.2 ppg, 6.2 rpg
Hey, at least K-Mart is healthy and contributing! (Nugget fans know what I’m talking about.) Martin has one of those contracts that was untradeable the moment he signed it. Then he played a total of 58 games in the ’05-’06 and ’06-’07 seasons. Believe me, Denver fans are happy for the 12 and 6.

5. Samuel Dalembert (two years, $25.1 million)
6.3 ppg, 8.7 rpg, 1.8 bpg
As time goes on, this contract looks more and more ridiculous.

4. Elton Brand (four years, $66.2 million)
13.8 ppg, 8.8 rpg
Methinks the basketball gods are giving Elton a little payback for leaving Baron Davis high and dry. Karma is a bitch.

3. Eddy Curry (two years, $21.8 million)
2.0 ppg, 2.0 rpg
A 6’11” center who can’t rebound or stay healthy? Great. His game has such a bad rep that he’s been unmovable for years.

2. Monta Ellis (five years, $55 million)
13.4 ppg, 3.8 rpg, 2.8 apg
Yet another bright career gets derailed by a wild moped ride in Mississippi. How many times does this happen before we all stand up and say “NO” to Mississippi moped rides?

1. Gilbert Arenas (five years, $96.4 million)
No stats in 2008-09
To think, the Wizards actually seemed happy to be getting Agent Zero at a “hometown discount.” But who exactly were they bidding against? If he doesn’t return to his All-NBA form, the franchise will be hamstrung for years to come. This is yet another Ernie Grunfeld gem.

NBA News and Notes: Mikki to the C’s? Camby almost a Spur?

– The Celtics (and others) have offered Mikki Moore a contract. He had a solid 2006-07 season, but the 33-year-old’s career has gone downhill since then.

– Stephon Marbury and Knicks GM Donnie Walsh are going to meet tomorrow to try to hash out a buyout agreement.

– The Warriors are going to shut Monta Ellis down for a week due to stiffness in his ankle, the same ankle he injured mopeding around Mississippi.

– The Spurs were reportedly close to trading for Marcus Camby before last week’s trade deadline. Apparently, the Spurs would have sent Bruce Bowen, Fabricio Oberto and George Hill to the Clippers. That’s basically a Hill-for-Camby swap, and I’m surprised that the Clippers didn’t jump on it. Hill is on track to be a starter-quality point guard in the NBA.

– Mike Dunleavy might miss the rest of the season with an injured knee.

Bill Simmons lambastes Mike Dunleavy, Sr.

In the Sports Guy’s latest column, he talks about all sorts of NBA storylines, but finishes with this gem about Clipper coach and GM, Mike Dunleavy.

10. In the post-Isiah era, is Mike Dunleavy the single most destructive coach/executive in the NBA right now?

Forget that he’s a mediocre coach and an even worse GM, that Clippers fans openly grumble about him during games, that he dresses like a movie usher, that he forced out Elgin Baylor (only an NBA icon and the most beloved employee in the organization), that he clearly has nude photos of somebody important and that can be the only explanation for all of this.

Forget that he only succeeded for one season with the Clippers — when Sam Cassell was basically running the team — and screwed up the 2006 playoffs with the forever-indefensible substitution of an ice-cold rookie named Daniel Ewing during the biggest moment of the Phoenix series (when Raja Bell hit the game-tying 3-pointer in Game 5 over, you guessed it, Daniel Ewing).

Forget that he spent $65 million on Baron Davis this summer — a player who only thrives in a specific type of freewheeling system — then saddled him in a half-court offense with two centers and about 500 plays. Well done. Way to know your personnel, Mike. Maybe that’s why, within five games, poor Baron was regarding you with the same contempt that somebody’s wife would have if their husband showed up at 7 in the morning reeking of booze and cigarettes and wearing the previous day’s clothes. He couldn’t be more bummed out. It’s not possible. You did this to him.

Forget that he blew the only asset he had after Elton Brand screwed over the team — cap space — by acquiring 34-year-old Marcus Camby, as if this team had a chance to contend or something, when he already had another starting center making $10 million a year named Chris Kaman. Forget that he blew any chance they had for a superstar in the Summer of 2010 by dumping Cuttino Mobley’s corpse and Tim Thomas’ corpse to New York for Zach Randolph, leading to a Camby-Randolph-Kaman logjam down low that should go great with Baron’s run-and-gun game. And forget that Camby and Kaman now have matching discount signs around their necks and Dunleavy pretends he isn’t shopping them to other teams.

(Quick tangent: The previous two paragraphs were just an incredible sequence of events. There was no rhyme or reason to those three moves other than, “I have no plan whatsoever.” It was like watching someone open an Irish bar in downtown Boston, then serve wine, cheese and caviar to the confused customers. I gotta say, I loved it. As a season-ticket holder who only attends Clipper games to see opposing teams and prays for as much unintentional comedy as possible, this season has been a godsend … and Randolph hasn’t even thrown a punch at Ricky Davis yet. Is it too late to sign Ruben Patterson and Michael Richards? I might send them an extra $2,000 as a “Thank you!”)

Again, forget all these things. Just come back with me to two Mondays ago. The Clippers are tied with a depleted Spurs team. Less than 29 seconds remain on the clock. I’m talking to the disgruntled father-son combo behind me (Lenny and Jessie) and make the mistake of saying that the Clips might pull this one out.

“No!!!!!” Jessie screams.

He grew up going to Clipper games, like me with the Celtics, only the bizarro experience. He knows better.

“You don’t understand!” he continues. “They’re going to make the go-ahead shot, and we won’t even get a shot off! That’s how this game is going to end! And it’s going to keep ending this way until you alert the entire country that MIKE DUNLEAVY IS A TERRIBLE COACH AND NEEDS TO GO!!!!!”

Well, then. I think I said something like, “Hey, how ’bout those Mets!” and turned back to the game. The Spurs came out of timeout and ran a high screen with Duncan and Roger Mason. Both defenders went with Duncan — of course they did, it’s a poorly coached team — and Mason nailed a wide-open, go-ahead 3-pointer. Eight seconds left. I turned back to Jessie, who was nodding maniacally and screaming, “See! See! Now watch this. We won’t get a shot off!”

Dunleavy called timeout to set up a play that obviously should have been, “Baron, we’ll set you a double screen, beat someone off the dribble, pull up and drain a 3-pointer.” Again, Baron Davis is on this team. He lives for these moments.

They come out of the huddle. The first sign of trouble: Three-point specialist and 12th man Steve Novak has entered the game for the Clippers. Why? I have no idea. This is a Dunleavy speciality — throw the coldest bench guy in the game in the biggest possible spot. With the Spurs still trickling onto the court after the timeout, we watch in horror as Novak is STRETCHING to get himself loose. He’s stretching! He looks like a 45-year-old guy who just got called into a Thankgiving touch football game. That’s followed by a 20-second timeout, which gives Novak time to perform an impromptu pilates session at the top of the key. At this point, I would have bet my life on a Novak airball to end the game. And thank God nobody took the bet, because this is the play they ran:

Ball goes into Baron near midcourt. He dribbles left and hands the ball off to Ricky, who’s coming the other way and stops. A couple of problems here: First, Ricky might be the worst swingman in the league right now. (Look at his stats. He’s an abomination. He’s 29 years old going on 47. Through 13 Clipper games before he was mercifully benched, Ricky was shooting 27.2 percent from the field and 27.3 percent on 3-pointers. At least he’s consistent.) I guarantee that, in the Spurs huddle, Popovich never said the words, “Look, be careful with Ricky Davis, don’t let him beat us!” You can imagine his delight as Ricky killed time at midcourt. Meanwhile, the clock was dwindling. 5 … 4 … 3. The fans started screaming in horror. This was like watching a little kid wander into traffic.

At the two-second mark, Ricky passed to Baron Davis, who had just sprinted a lap around halfcourt — going from the top of the key to the left corner, then under the basket, then to the right corner, and now he was popping out in front of the Clippers’ bench. Normally, this would have been an awesome play if, you know, Baron Davis didn’t have to run a half-court lap in five seconds. I don’t even think Usain Bolt could do this. So Baron catches the pass and has to immediately hoist up a three while flying full-speed the other way after having broken the world record for “fastest half-court lap ever.” As the pass is heading toward Baron, Tim Duncan — one of the smarter players of all time — realizes that, “Hey, there are only two seconds left, as soon as Baron catches this, he has to throw it up.” So he jumps out on Baron.

Now Baron catches the ball with his body going 35 mph away from his own basket and two players jumping at him, one of whom is 6-foot-11, so he rushes up a 25-foot 3-point shot. You’re not going to believe this, but it didn’t go in. It didn’t even hit the rim. The good news was that Steve Novak got some solid stretching in.

And as we were filing out of the Staples Center in complete and utter disgust, wondering how the Clippers could possibly run a play that took 12 seconds to execute — minimum — when they only had eight seconds, I turned to see a disgusted Jessie again.

“Hey, at least the shot hit the backboard,” I joked. “Moral victory!”

Jessie couldn’t speak. He’s about 15 more home losses away from pulling a Reverse Artest, charging the court, tackling Dunleavy and serving the mandatory prison sentence.

My point is this: Somehow, someway, in one of the most inexplicable turn of events that’s ever happened in this league, Mike Dunleavy is the only person currently coaching an NBA team and handling personnel decisions at the same time. Mike Dunleavy! How does this happen? My head hurts.

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