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The Onion: Fluid Just Happy To Have Had Opportunity To Build Up In Kobe Bryant’s Knee


LOS ANGELES—Calling the experience “a true honor” and “the opportunity of a lifetime,” the infected synovial fluid recently drained from Kobe Bryant’s right knee told reporters Monday that there is no other basketball player it would rather have accumulated in.

Describing itself as humbled and privileged to have affected the NBA All-Star’s mobility for even so short a time, the contaminated collection of mucin and albumin said it would always cherish every moment it spent collecting in Bryant’s appendage, from the initial stages of infection to its last moments of arthrocentesis.

“Kobe Bryant’s is the knee all joint fluids dream of building up in,” the semi-viscous mix of blood and uric acid said during a press conference at the Lakers’ training facility. “There were times, especially during the first two rounds of the playoffs, when I had to pinch myself and say, ‘Holy crap! You’re inflaming Kobe Bryant’s right knee! Kobe Bryant. Not some role-playing knee like Andrew Bynum’s knee, or Kendrick Perkins’ knee, but Kobe freaking Bryant’s.'”

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