Bonds trial wrapping up without him seeing the witness stand

Former San Francisco Giants player Barry Bonds arrives for his criminal trial at Phillip Burton Federal Building in San Francisco, California March 28, 2011. The Bonds case is one of the last strands in a lengthy investigation into the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. Doping revelations have tarnished the reputation of baseball, known as America’s national pastime. REUTERS/Stephen Lam (UNITED STATES – Tags: SPORT BASEBALL CRIME LAW SOCIETY)

Three years after he was first indicated, Barry Bonds’ perjury trial is finally nearing its conclusion.

Charged with three counts of lying to a grand jury and one count of obstruction of justice, Bonds’ trial has lasted nearly three weeks. And as the jury is set to dilberate, it’s interesting that Bonds’ defense team rested their case on Wednesday without calling any witnesses – not even Bonds.

Now, that could be viewed in a couple of different ways. Maybe his defense team feels so confident about their case that they don’t need to put Bonds on the stand. Maybe they don’t want him to contradict anything that anyone else has said up to this point, or screw the pooch when he’s cross-examined by the prosecution.

Or maybe because if they put him on the stand, they know he would have to lie under oath. Or explain to a jury why he allowed someone to inject something into his body that he wasn’t 100% clear (no pun intended) about what it was or what it was intended to do. Or why he never stopped taking the substance when his head grew to the size of a grapefruit and he looked like the Incredible Hulk.

Yeah, I wouldn’t have put Bonds on the stand either.

As I wrote on Wednesday, I firmly believe that he’ll avoid jail time. If Tammy Thomas received house arrest and probation for similar charges in her BALCO scandal, then Barry freaking Bonds isn’t going to prison over his. In the end, I imagine that people will view this as a big waste of time and money.

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Judge bars secret recording in Barry Bonds’ perjury trial

Former San Francisco Giants baseball player Barry Bonds leaves the federal courthouse after his criminal trial at Phillip Burton Federal Building in San Francisco, California March 29, 2011. The former home run king is facing four counts of perjury and one count of obstructing justice for allegedly lying under oath to a federal grand jury in 2003 about the use of performance-enhancing anabolic steroids. REUTERS/Stephen Lam (UNITED STATES – Tags: CRIME LAW SPORT BASEBALL) is reporting that a federal judge has barred the jury in the Barry Bonds’ perjury trial from hearing a newly discovered tape recording that prosecutors say would bolster their case that the former slugger knowingly used steroids.

U.S. District Judge Susan Illston ruled the recording inadmissible because “it’s barely intelligible” and what can be heard is irrelevant.

The tape was a conversation between Bonds’ orthopedic surgeon Dr. Arthur Ting and his former business partner, Steve Hoskins. Hoskins secretly recorded the conversation in 2003.

Prosecutors had hoped to use the tape to win back some of the momentum they lost when Ting severely damaged Hoskins’ credibility.

Ting last week flatly denied Hoskins’ testimony that the pair had about 50 conversations about Bonds and steroids. Ting said the two never discussed that topic.

I love it. There’s a ton of the taxpayers’ money being spent on this trial and the result will likely be that Bonds will have to serve six months probation and no jail time. (Or something to that effect.)

I believe it was the late, great Alonzo Harris from the movie “Training Day” that said: It’s not what you know – it’s what you can prove. The defense in this trial has already stated that Bonds took steroids. Everyone and their brother knows he took steroids. What the defense is trying to prove is that he didn’t knowingly take steroids, and that’s going to be hard to disprove. (Especially when the prosecution is relying on Watergate-like secret tapes that are being barred from use in court.)

Like I said: Probation, no jail time. Book it.

Bonds’ former mistress to testify that his testicles shrank

Former San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds (C) arrives before the opening arguments portion of his perjury trial at the Phillip Burton Federal Building in San Francisco, California March 22, 2011. REUTERS/Beck Diefenbach (UNITED STATES – Tags: SPORT BASEBALL CRIME LAW)

Yes, you read that title right and no, I’m not trying to be funny. (Not this time at least.)

Barry Bonds’ former mistress Kimberly Bell is scheduled to testify this week at his trial. Among some of the topics are that Bonds told her before the 2000 season that he used steroids and that she witnessed physical and mental changes that prosecutors will attribute to performance-enhancing drug use. But among the most controversial topics is whether or not Bell saw Bonds’ testicles shrink (which is a common side effect of steroid use).

This is usually when I would draw up a mock conversation between a lawyer and Bell talking about Bonds’ marbles, but my mother reads the site and I have to draw the line somewhere. So grow up, people.

That said, could you imagine what some comedian would do with the transcript from that testimony? Could you imagine what Daniel Tosh would do with it? Or Dave Chappelle? In one of his stand up performances, Dana Carvey managed to make the O.J. Simpson trial hilarious and that was about murder – not steroids, lying and testicles.

I wish Saturday Night Live were still funny because they could have a field day with this Bonds trial.

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