Category: Humor (Page 81 of 86)

Falcons owner wants Vick back in NFL…just nowhere near Atlanta

Michael VickAtlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank recently told ESPN that he would support the league’s decision to allow convicted felon Michael Vick back into the NFL. But also that his team is all set at quarterback.

“He’s written me and I’ve answered him,” Blank said. “I certainly wish Michael well in the future. I believe in second chances. I believe in third chances. That doesn’t mean I believe in forever chances. But I do believe he’s capable of redemption and learning from his mistakes.”

“We’re committed to Matt Ryan,” Blank said. “Even before his early success, we were committed to Matt Ryan. We made that decision when we drafted him. When you select someone in the draft at that level and pay him what we’re paying him, you expect him to be successful and you expect him to be a team leader.”

Copies were obtained of the letters that Blank and Vick wrote to each other:

Dear Mr. Blank,

If I promise to buy one puppy a month for the rest of my life and give it to a loving family, can I please come back into the NFL?

Sincerely,
MiChAeL ViCk

Dear Michael,

I don’t care what the hell you do with the rest of your life. You can go play in the NFL, CFL, AFL or XFL for all I care – we have Matt Ryan. And the great thing about having Matt Ryan is that not only can the kid find open receivers on a consistent basis (something you failed to do even semi-regularly), but he also doesn’t own a dog. In fact, he doesn’t own any animals that we know of. And most importantly, he’s yet to give some chick the herp, he doesn’t own trick water bottles used to carry weed, and he doesn’t give our fans the double-fingered salute when he’s walking out of the Georgia Dome.

So go F-yourself Michael,
Arthur

They’re not booing, they’re saying “mooooooosehunter”

VP hopeful Sarah Palin dropped the first puck at the Flyers game and if the crowd’s reaction to her introduction is any indication, she can forget about the McCain/Palin ticket winning Pennsylvania this year.

Cheers to Palin for smiling and waving, seemingly unfazed by (or oblivious to) the boos. Jeers for dragging her children along in the hopes that it would convince some of the fans in attendance not to boo. (Who knows, maybe it did.)

And jeers to Flyers owner Ed Snider for subjecting all of his team’s fans to his political agenda. Way to go, Ed.

For some background on Snider’s political views, and how politics and sports shouldn’t mix, check out Will Bunch’s column at Philly.com.

The perfect stocking stuffer for Packer fans

I’m going to get fellow TSR writer and Packer buff John Paulsen this for Christmas. (Thank you FANIQ.com for the link.)

I’m not sure what the best thing is about this ad. That I can get a completely worthless coin for only $9.95 as opposed to $29.95, or that I can potentially get 8 of them, or that it’s officially licensed by, um, I’m not sure who exactly, or that after every time one of Brett Favre’s career highlights is rolled off, some guy yells “FAVRE!” in the background.

Apparently this commercial is running in, uh, I’m guessing Wisconsin, because no one else in the world would ever buy this worthless hunk of scrap.

I just hope that someone eventually tries to buy something with this coin, then gets beaten for their stupidity…multiple times.

I can’t think of anything more worthless than a Brett Favre coin for $9.95. It has to be one of the most overpriced coins in the history of America.

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