Tag: The Sports Guy (Page 3 of 6)

      Who is Bill Simmons’ MVP?

      April 15, 2009 /



      Every year, Bill Simmons runs down the MVP race from No. 450 to No. 1 (don’t worry, he skips over a lot of players), and this year is no different.

      450. Elton Brand
      Dramatically edged out Gilbert Arenas and Tracy McGrady for the coveted LVP (“Least Valuable Player”) Award. Here’s what pushed it over the top: Not only did EB destroy Philly’s cap through 2035, he left the Clips with enough cap space that they reacted the same way looters react during a riot. They wanted to walk out of the store with something … or in this case, Marcus Camby, Ricky Davis, Zach Randolph and a 27-inch Sharp LCD. In a floundering economy, should they have guarded that extra cap room and bided their time like The Team That Shall Not Be Named did? OF COURSE!!!! OF COURSE!!!!! When you include Brand’s luring of Baron Davis to the Clippers, causing the Warriors to overreact with $66 million for Corey Maggette and Ronny Turiaf, you could argue that Brand murdered one franchise and gravely wounded two others. Sounds like an LVP to me.

      …

      166. Manu Ginobili
      Ways I’d dissuade my stars from participating in the Olympics or World Basketball Championships if I owned an NBA team: $1 million under-the-table bonus for NOT participating; free lease of a brand-new Maybach every year; bribery with help from a secretly recorded sex session with a hooker I hired to seduce them; blowing up the aforementioned Maybach as a final threat not to go; and finally, kidnapping.

      Simmons goes on to compare Wade’s career with Jack Bauer’s, and describes all the different reasons why ___________ is his 2009 MVP.

      Fantasy Basketball, NBA

      A new term for someone who marries way up

      April 3, 2009 /

      From Bill Simmons’ March mailbag, part two…

      Q: So a few of us were talking at lunch today and one of my co-workers was telling a story about a male friend who got engaged to someone completely out of his league but phrased it as, “He Marko Jaric’d this girl.” I loved the phrase. Why can’t it be used forever to describe this type of situation?
      — Jimmy, Emmaus, Pa.

      SG: The readers are on fire! Somebody alert the editors of urbandictionary.com that the world is being altered. My favorite movie example: Mikey getting Heather Graham in “Swingers.” Favorite TV example: The marriage in every ABC sitcom. Favorite celebrity example: Lyle Lovett getting Julia Roberts in her prime. Favorite multi-platform example: Turtle landing Meadow Soprano on “Entourage” and in real life. We all have a friend who Marko Jaric’d his girlfriend or wife, but I think there are three levels to the phenomenon:

      Level 1: Just a pure Marko Jaric-ing. Your buddy can’t believe he pulled it off, neither can anyone else, and nobody is even jealous of him.

      Level 2: He Marko Jaric’d her to the degree that, when he’s not around, his other friends talk about it incessantly and come up with rationalizations like, “Do you think her last boyfriend mistreated her in some way and she was ready for anyone?” or “Is he built like a camera tripod and he never told us?” There’s no answer. Just conjecture.

      Level 3: The best of the levels, since this involves the buddies being so flummoxed by the relationship that they tease the girl to her face about being Marko Jaric’d — all good-natured stuff like, “Thanks for your ongoing charity with our friend” and “Do you realize you helped our friend overachieve for the first time in his life?” FYI: This can get dangerous if the wrong person is doing it after too many drinks. Regardless, I’m just glad Jaric finally made his mark in something. He was due.

      The only pitfall I see with this is that Marko Jaric is rich — filthy rich. He has already made almost $29 million in his career and he’s guaranteed another $14.7 million over the next two years. Assuming he hasn’t blown much of that on coke and whores, he should be sitting pretty, financially speaking.

      But Lima is no slouch either. She was #4 on Forbes’ list of the Top Earning Models in 2007 and 2008, making a combined $13 million over that span. So her salary equals that of her betrothed.

      Given that the financial part of it is a push, it’s no different than if Jaric landed Lima had they met while working for $10.25 an hour at the Home Depot. She is out of his league in both situations.

      So I approve — when one of your buddies engages or marries a girl that is out of his league, it’s okay to say that he “Marko Jaric’d” her.

      Be sure to check out Women We Love: Adriana Lima.

      Humor, NBA, Women

      Correcting Bill Simmons, Part 4: Bill’s not-so-unique idea and more three-point talk

      March 31, 2009 /

      In Bill Simmons’ latest mailbag, he responds to a number of different reader questions. Most of his answers are fine, but a few are puzzling…

      There should be a section on eBay that allows the auctioning of enticing future bets. For instance, a few weeks before the NBA season, I placed $300 on 15-to-1 odds that Cleveland would win the 2009 NBA title. Those odds have dropped to 2-to-1. Not that I would (after all, Cleveland is going to win the 2009 NBA title), but shouldn’t I have the option to sell that $300 ticket on eBay? What if someone bid $1,200 on it (which would be a smart move because, again, Cleveland is going to win the NBA title) and I was guaranteed a $900 return on my investment? Should I take the money? This would be a fun Web site, you have to admit. And if eBay can’t do it, then why couldn’t the casinos themselves build a Web site that allows people to sell future tickets and get a second cut on the action? It all makes too much sense.

      Yeah…okay…this already exists — it’s called a “long-term market” and my favorite online sportsbook WSEX.com, has had them for at least five years now. Go to the site, hit “Pro Basketball” on the left, hit “Pro Championship” under “Long-Term Markets” on the main screen — there’s a long-term market where gamblers can buy and sell wagers on who will win the NBA championship. They have 1-pays (where only a share in the winner is worth something) and 4-pays (where shares in the winner, runner-up, and third and fourth place teams are worth something). You can buy and sell these shares throughout the year.

      How does a guy that calls himself “The Sports Guy” not know about this? Didn’t he hit up any of his colleagues/friends at ESPN in all the time that he has pondered this eBay idea of his?

      As of right…..now…..I’m not going to refer to Bill Simmons as “The Sports Guy” any longer. As far as I’m concerned, he has lost the right to have that nickname.

      And then there’s this doozy…

      Continue reading »

      Humor, NBA

      Correcting Bill Simmons, Part 3: Bill is at it again

      March 23, 2009 /

      “The Sports Guy” is killing me. He’s at it again, harping on players that take too many three pointers even though they aren’t accurate from behind the stripe. I’ve already gone through this once, about a year ago, after Simmons slammed Tracy McGrady from shooting too many threes. Now, in his otherwise fine “Dumbleavy” diary/column, Bill’s targets are Baron Davis, Zach Randolph and…gulp…LeBron James.

      7:35: LeBron bricks a 3-pointer that leads to Thornton’s fast-break dunk. Clips by 17, timeout Cavs. Let the record show that (A) LeBron is a 32.5 percent career 3-point shooter, (B) he went 0-for-6 in this particular game and (C) he should be fined every time he takes one.

      6:54: Speaking of guys who should never shoot a 3, it’s Baron Davis! He just bricked one. If he told you that he’s a 32.3 percent career 3-point shooter and averaging 29.5 percent this season, then I told you that he takes five per game, would you believe me? You probably wouldn’t, right?

      4:35: Randolph (aka Z-Bo) sinks an open 3 that he never should have taken because he’s a career 28.9 long-distance shooter. Maybe we should make it like a driver’s license — if you dip under 35 percent through 250 career attempts, you’re suspended from shooting 3s for a year?

      Coaches live with guys shooting in the low 30’s from long range because…well…the shots are worth an extra point. It’s (almost) that simple.

      LeBron is shooting 33.1% from long range on the season. He’s shooting 53.6% from two-point range. For argument’s sake, let’s say that for 100 straight possessions, LeBron launches a three every time down the court. If his numbers bear out, he’s going to make 33 of them, scoring 99 points. That’s 0.99 points per possession. Now, let’s say he shoots a two-pointer for 100 straight possessions. He’s going to make 54 of them, so he’ll score 108 points on 100 possessions, or 1.08 points per possession.

      Continue reading »

      NBA

      How much better off would the Blazers be had they drafted Durant instead of Oden?

      March 12, 2009 /

      No one can fault the job that Portland GM Kevin Pritchard has done so far. In 2005, when he was the Blazers’ interim coach, he reportedly advised then-GM John Nash and Steve Patterson to draft Chris Paul at #3, but the duo instead decided to trade the pick and ended up with Martell Webster at #6. He was promoted to assistant GM in 2006, and was involved in a series of deals that resulted in the acquisition of the draft rights of Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge. In 2007, he was promoted to general manager. That summer, in addition to drafting Greg Oden, he turned Zach Randolph into a trade exception that he used to steal Rudy Fernandez from the Phoenix Suns.

      Other than an ill-advised threat to sue anyone that tried to sign Darius Miles, it’s tough to second-guess anything that Pritchard has done in Portland.

      But what if he had drafted Kevin Durant instead of Greg Oden? How much better off would the franchise be with Durant on the roster?

      Continue reading »

      Fantasy Football, NBA, NBA Draft, Rumors & Gossip

      « Older posts Newer posts »

      © 2025 The Scores Report – The National Sports Blog

      Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑