Tag: Bill Simmons (Page 11 of 16)

Simmons connects Garnett news with suspect reporting

One point that Bill Simmons made in his “woe is me” column about how the Celtics will be without KG in the playoffs was how the truth about Garnett’s injury didn’t come out until the franchise let it out.

There’s a hidden sub-story lurking here: It involves the fall of newspapers, lack of access and the future of reporting, not just with sports but with everything. I grew up reading Bob Ryan, who covered the Celtics for the Boston Globe and remains the best basketball writer alive to this day. Back in the 1970s and early ’80s, he was overqualified to cover the team. In 1980, he would have sniffed out the B.S. signs of this KG story, kept pursuing it, kept writing about it, kept working connections and eventually broken it. True, today’s reporters don’t get the same access Ryan had, but let’s face it: If 1980 Bob Ryan was covering the Celtics right now, ESPN or someone else would lure him away. And that goes for the editors, too. The last two sports editors during the glory years of the Globe’s sports section were Vince Doria and Don Skwar … both of whom currently work for ESPN.

For the past few years, as newspapers got slowly crushed by myriad factors, a phalanx of top writers and editors fled for the greener pastures of the Internet. The quality of nearly every paper suffered, as did morale. Just two weeks ago, reports surfaced that the New York Times Company (which owns the Globe) was demanding $20 million in union concessions or it’d shut down the Globe completely. I grew up dreaming of writing a sports column for the Globe; now the paper might be gone before I turn 40. It’s inconceivable. But this Garnett story, and how it was (and wasn’t) covered, reminds me of “The Wire,” which laid out a blueprint in Season 5 for the death of newspapers without us fully realizing it. The season revolved around the Baltimore Sun and its inability (because of budget cuts and an inexperienced staff) to cover the city’s decaying infrastructure. The lesson was inherent: We need to start caring about the decline of newspapers, because, really, all hell is going to break loose if we don’t have reporters breaking stories, sniffing out corruption, seeing through smoke and mirrors and everything else. That was how Season 5 played out, and that’s why “Wire” creator David Simon is a genius. He saw everything coming before anyone else did.

Ultimately, Garnett’s injury doesn’t REALLY matter. It’s just sports. But I find it a little chilling that the best player on the defending NBA champion could be sidelined for two solid months, with something obviously wrong, and nobody came close to unraveling the real story. We still don’t know what’s wrong with his knee. We just know it’s screwed up. And, yeah, you could say that Garnett has always been guarded — with just a few people in his circle of trust — and yeah, you could say that only a few members of the Celtics organization know the truth (maybe coach Doc Rivers, GM Danny Ainge, majority owner Wyc Grousbeck, the trainers and that’s it). But this was a massive local sports story. Its coverage is not a good sign for the future of sports journalism or newspapers in general.

It’s a good point, and one that has been made before (without the references to “The Wire” — Bill’s specialty). With the death of the newspaper, there won’t be 5-10 hungry reporters sitting in a press room at the Boston Herald waiting to dig into a story. Most reporting is done from a distance these days, and even those with “access,” don’t have that much access. What’s lost here is that franchises are more guarded about information than they’ve ever been, because they’ve been burned by the Bob Ryans of the world before. Ryan was/is just doing his job, and doing it well, but there is little to no incentive for teams to be up front about injury information. For this, we have Bill Belicheat to thank.

Bill Simmons on the KG news

Predictably, Simmons was crushed to learn that Kevin Garnett will be unable to play early on in the playoffs. His editor asked him for an immediate reaction.

The best thing about being a sports fan on the West Coast: Every game comes on three hours earlier. I watched a 12-inning Boston-Oakland game Tuesday night that ended at the totally reasonable time of 11:29 p.m. Had I stayed up for that one on the East Coast, I would have been dead for work the next day, Oh, wait, I don’t have a real job. Bad example. But you get the idea.

The worst thing about being a sports fan on the West Coast: Things happen while you’re sleeping. I never know what to expect upon first glance at my Blackberry. Today, I woke up at 7:10 in the morning, trekked downstairs, let my dog outside, ground some coffee beans, filled the filter, added the water, got the brewing process going, and then, even as I was still wiping the crust from my eyes, these three e-mails were atop my inbox…

It’s interesting to read his stuff on a shortened timeline. (He says he had only 150 minutes to write the piece.) Is it as funny or as good as his usual columns? You be the judge.

Who is Bill Simmons’ MVP?



Every year, Bill Simmons runs down the MVP race from No. 450 to No. 1 (don’t worry, he skips over a lot of players), and this year is no different.

450. Elton Brand
Dramatically edged out Gilbert Arenas and Tracy McGrady for the coveted LVP (“Least Valuable Player”) Award. Here’s what pushed it over the top: Not only did EB destroy Philly’s cap through 2035, he left the Clips with enough cap space that they reacted the same way looters react during a riot. They wanted to walk out of the store with something … or in this case, Marcus Camby, Ricky Davis, Zach Randolph and a 27-inch Sharp LCD. In a floundering economy, should they have guarded that extra cap room and bided their time like The Team That Shall Not Be Named did? OF COURSE!!!! OF COURSE!!!!! When you include Brand’s luring of Baron Davis to the Clippers, causing the Warriors to overreact with $66 million for Corey Maggette and Ronny Turiaf, you could argue that Brand murdered one franchise and gravely wounded two others. Sounds like an LVP to me.

166. Manu Ginobili
Ways I’d dissuade my stars from participating in the Olympics or World Basketball Championships if I owned an NBA team: $1 million under-the-table bonus for NOT participating; free lease of a brand-new Maybach every year; bribery with help from a secretly recorded sex session with a hooker I hired to seduce them; blowing up the aforementioned Maybach as a final threat not to go; and finally, kidnapping.

Simmons goes on to compare Wade’s career with Jack Bauer’s, and describes all the different reasons why ___________ is his 2009 MVP.

A new term for someone who marries way up

From Bill Simmons’ March mailbag, part two

Q: So a few of us were talking at lunch today and one of my co-workers was telling a story about a male friend who got engaged to someone completely out of his league but phrased it as, “He Marko Jaric’d this girl.” I loved the phrase. Why can’t it be used forever to describe this type of situation?
— Jimmy, Emmaus, Pa.

SG: The readers are on fire! Somebody alert the editors of urbandictionary.com that the world is being altered. My favorite movie example: Mikey getting Heather Graham in “Swingers.” Favorite TV example: The marriage in every ABC sitcom. Favorite celebrity example: Lyle Lovett getting Julia Roberts in her prime. Favorite multi-platform example: Turtle landing Meadow Soprano on “Entourage” and in real life. We all have a friend who Marko Jaric’d his girlfriend or wife, but I think there are three levels to the phenomenon:

Level 1: Just a pure Marko Jaric-ing. Your buddy can’t believe he pulled it off, neither can anyone else, and nobody is even jealous of him.

Level 2: He Marko Jaric’d her to the degree that, when he’s not around, his other friends talk about it incessantly and come up with rationalizations like, “Do you think her last boyfriend mistreated her in some way and she was ready for anyone?” or “Is he built like a camera tripod and he never told us?” There’s no answer. Just conjecture.

Level 3: The best of the levels, since this involves the buddies being so flummoxed by the relationship that they tease the girl to her face about being Marko Jaric’d — all good-natured stuff like, “Thanks for your ongoing charity with our friend” and “Do you realize you helped our friend overachieve for the first time in his life?” FYI: This can get dangerous if the wrong person is doing it after too many drinks. Regardless, I’m just glad Jaric finally made his mark in something. He was due.

The only pitfall I see with this is that Marko Jaric is rich — filthy rich. He has already made almost $29 million in his career and he’s guaranteed another $14.7 million over the next two years. Assuming he hasn’t blown much of that on coke and whores, he should be sitting pretty, financially speaking.

But Lima is no slouch either. She was #4 on Forbes’ list of the Top Earning Models in 2007 and 2008, making a combined $13 million over that span. So her salary equals that of her betrothed.

Given that the financial part of it is a push, it’s no different than if Jaric landed Lima had they met while working for $10.25 an hour at the Home Depot. She is out of his league in both situations.

So I approve — when one of your buddies engages or marries a girl that is out of his league, it’s okay to say that he “Marko Jaric’d” her.

Be sure to check out Women We Love: Adriana Lima.

Correcting Bill Simmons, Part 4: Bill’s not-so-unique idea and more three-point talk

In Bill Simmons’ latest mailbag, he responds to a number of different reader questions. Most of his answers are fine, but a few are puzzling…

There should be a section on eBay that allows the auctioning of enticing future bets. For instance, a few weeks before the NBA season, I placed $300 on 15-to-1 odds that Cleveland would win the 2009 NBA title. Those odds have dropped to 2-to-1. Not that I would (after all, Cleveland is going to win the 2009 NBA title), but shouldn’t I have the option to sell that $300 ticket on eBay? What if someone bid $1,200 on it (which would be a smart move because, again, Cleveland is going to win the NBA title) and I was guaranteed a $900 return on my investment? Should I take the money? This would be a fun Web site, you have to admit. And if eBay can’t do it, then why couldn’t the casinos themselves build a Web site that allows people to sell future tickets and get a second cut on the action? It all makes too much sense.

Yeah…okay…this already exists — it’s called a “long-term market” and my favorite online sportsbook WSEX.com, has had them for at least five years now. Go to the site, hit “Pro Basketball” on the left, hit “Pro Championship” under “Long-Term Markets” on the main screen — there’s a long-term market where gamblers can buy and sell wagers on who will win the NBA championship. They have 1-pays (where only a share in the winner is worth something) and 4-pays (where shares in the winner, runner-up, and third and fourth place teams are worth something). You can buy and sell these shares throughout the year.

How does a guy that calls himself “The Sports Guy” not know about this? Didn’t he hit up any of his colleagues/friends at ESPN in all the time that he has pondered this eBay idea of his?

As of right…..now…..I’m not going to refer to Bill Simmons as “The Sports Guy” any longer. As far as I’m concerned, he has lost the right to have that nickname.

And then there’s this doozy…

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