Page 2026 of 2957

Wanted: One person to quarterback Cleveland Browns for rest of season

Derek AndersonJob Post: Cleveland Browns quarterback.

Summary: Due to the unfortunate situations of losing both Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson to season-ending injuries the past two weeks and the fact that Roger Goodell won’t allow us to forfeit the rest of our games to get this dreadful season over with, we the Cleveland Browns are currently looking for a quarterback to insure us of four more losses in ’08.

Job Responsibilities: Turning around and handing the ball to Jamal Lewis; Throwing incomplete passes to Braylon Edwards (you just have to throw the ball in his direction and Edwards will take care of the rest; Watching the defense squander leads; Squandering leads yourself by providing costly turnovers.

Job Perks: A front row seat to whenever Kellen Winslow Jr. speaks; You can improvise without worrying about what Romeo Crennel will say to you because neither you nor him will be around next year; Weekly Profanity-lased e-mails from Phil Savage.

Please respond by Thursday so you can have at least one day of practice under your belt (that should be enough) before Sunday’s game.

Thank You,

The Cleveland Browns.

Is USC being unfairly punished?

That’s what Darren Everson of The Wall Street Journal writes:

USC TrojansIt’s becoming increasingly clear that, unlike the champions of other conferences, USC must go undefeated to reach the national-title game. Even in 2003, when the Trojans finished the regular season ranked first in both major polls, the BCS computers excluded them from the title game. The Big 12 likely will land a one-loss team in the national-championship game this season, as have the Big Ten and Southeastern conferences in recent years (the SEC sent two-loss LSU last season).

But USC, regarded as playing a weaker schedule in the Pac-10, has been held to a tougher standard. The irony of this predicament? The Trojans should have less to prove than other contenders, given their 5-1 all-time BCS bowl record and that, like the rest of the Pac-10, they buck the national trend by playing a rigorous nonconference schedule. Sensitive to more fickle fan bases less likely to swallow the weak nonconference pablum served elsewhere, USC and other Pac-10 schools schedule more major-college competition than other conferences. For example, undefeated Alabama’s nonconference slate included Clemson, Tulane, Western Kentucky and Arkansas State.

Meanwhile, the Trojans played Virginia, Ohio State and Notre Dame — three big names, albeit two mired in surprisingly mediocre seasons. Come season’s end, though, USC gets little credit for it, and gets unfairly punished by the computers for playing in a conference with Washington and Washington State teams playing outrageously awful ball. The worst in other conferences — say, Iowa State in the Big 12 — were about as beatable. They just didn’t get outscored 127-0 over two games the way the Cougars did.

The Pac-10 also lacks a championship game. Florida, a team with a resume similar to USC’s, can play its way into the national-title game thanks to its conference title match with Alabama. Then again, there’s no need for it out west, since every Pac-10 team plays each other.

Everson brings up several good points. It’s not USC’s fault that Ohio State and Virginia took a step back this year or that Notre Dame is a mess. They didn’t schedule Appalachian State or the Citadel. (Although I fully believe that App State would beat Washington or Washington State if they played tomorrow.)

That said, USC gets more than enough media love so yes, they do have to go undefeated. They should beat Oregon State and they should hang 60 points on Washington and Washington State. No Pac-10 title game? Then every week is a Pac-10 title game for the Trojans.

The BCS is a mess and USC’s situation is just another small example.

Doyel rips Michael Vick

Greg Doyel of CBS Sportsline.com blasts suspended NFL quarterback Michael Vick after several media members have written that Vick has paid his dues.

Michael VickThat’s a question for Roger Goodell to answer in the next year or two, but in the meantime Vick is being defended, sort of, by the two columnists mentioned above. Moore says Vick has been humiliated enough and took issue with the image last week of Vick having to arrive at the Sussex County (Va.) Courthouse “shackled at the wrists and ankles.” Knott says Vick has suffered enough, that his 23 months in prison combined with his staggering loss of wealth should quell the fury of “the most vitriolic animal rights supporters.”

Writes Knott: “It’s time … to move beyond the matter of Michael Vick.”

Writes Moore: “Just let it go, people.”

All due respect, fellows, but your opinions make me ill. Michael Vick is a slime of nearly the worst order, as last week’s plea deal demonstrated (again). According to new court papers, Vick “thought it was funny” to put family pets into the ring with pit bulls and watch the pets get ripped apart. Dogs that didn’t fight well enough were drowned, by Vick, in a bucket of water.

I’ll never move on from that. I’ll never let it go. Let God forgive Vick. Me, I’ll hate the man forever — and I’ll urge Goodell to feel the same way.

You have a problem with my anger? Tell someone who cares. I own two dogs. They sleep on my bed. They lick my kids’ faces. Their entire goal in life is to make the people around them happy.

Vick’s entire goal was to see dogs tear each other to shreds.

Forgive that? You have to be kidding. I’ll defend Iverson and Marbury before I’ll write a single conciliatory word about Michael Vick.

I think Vick’s crime was so disturbing that people like Doyel could never forgive what he did. But in terms of whether or not Goodell should allow him to play again – what about Pacman Jones? He never fought dogs, but he was involved in a situation where a man was paralyzed and a woman was shot in the ear. And yet, I could have sworn I saw Jones covering receivers earlier this season. He’s on his 400th chance so to say Vick doesn’t deserve an opportunity to play in the NFL again is a bit hypocritical.

That said, I think Vick is a turd. I keep reading and hearing how he’s sorry about what he’s done, but is he just saying and doing all the right things so he can play again? Some people go to jail and they turn around their lives for the better, while others come out virtually the same person. I wonder which category Vick fits under.

Jason Whitlock on Texas being snubbed by BCS

Jason Whitlock of the Kansas City-Star reacts to Texas getting the shaft after Oklahoma leapfrogged over them in the BCS standings.

Sam BradfordAP and Harris voters could comprehend a simple, unavoidable fact: On a neutral field, Texas beat Oklahoma 45-35 this season.

There’s nothing left to debate. It doesn’t matter that Oklahoma’s nonconference victories are more impressive than Texas’. It doesn’t matter that Oklahoma is playing “better” football at the end of the season.

Texas beat Oklahoma.

And I don’t care about the three-way tie, and the fact that Texas Tech beat Texas. We’re allowed to use common sense when deciding a complex situation.

The Red Raiders lost a game by 44 points this season. The Red Raiders barely beat Baylor this season.

The Red Raiders needed a last-second touchdown to slip by Texas.

Tech had a magical year, beat up a bunch of cupcakes early and hung on for an 11-1 season. It’s a fluke. Oklahoma exposed the Red Raiders and Mike Leach’s gimmicky offense.

Look, my main point is that it’s criminal Oklahoma will get to play for the Big 12 crown and not Texas.

Everybody allegedly wants a playoff system, but it appears we reserve the right to ignore what happens on the field when it suits our purpose.

As Whitlock points out, there really is nothing to debate. Texas beat Oklahoma on the field. Texas beat Oklahoma on…the…field. Texas beat Oklahoma on the field. TEXAS BEAT OKLAHOMA ON THE FIELD!

Only in the BCS system could a team beat another team on the field and not benefit from it. It’s a complete crock of crap, but unfortunately not even something as ludicrous as this will force a change. I’m of the mindset now that we’ll never see a college football playoff.

Plaxico Burress turns himself into authorities

New York Giants’ wide receiver Plaxico Burress turned himself into New York authorities Monday morning. He faces charges of criminal possession of a weapon after he was accidentally shot in the leg by his own gun Friday inside a club.

Plaxico BurressBurress arrived in a black SUV, wearing a black blazer, jeans and a collared shirt. One accessory he didn’t have was a pair of crutches. Burress was walking ably, an indication the gunshot wound he suffered was as minor as reported by the team and his lawyer, Ben Brafman, who escorted Burress into the station this morning.

Burress didn’t respond to one person who yelled, “Plaxico,” and didn’t acknowledge any of the reporters on the scene. According to police, he’s expected to remain inside for about an hour. There are also rumblings he might leave the building in handcuffs.

Brafman said Burress will plead not guilty to criminal possession of a weapon.

The NBC Sunday night halftime crew was talking about the possibility of Burress facing jail time if he’s convicted. It’s highly doubtful that would happen, although maybe he needs some time in jail to get his freaking mind straight. The Giants just handed him a contract extension to honor his great play and he’s been nothing but a headache since.

And yet, the Giants continue to win with or without him. That’s a testament to Tom Coughlin and the rest of the players on the team.

« Older posts Newer posts »