When we assembled our annual piece on the year in sports for Bullz-Eye, the piece was coming along really well, but something seemed a tad off to me. It was too…serious. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind you. John and Anthony dissect sports as well as anyone. But one section of our year-in-review piece is dedicated to predicting what we think will happen. For me, that is a golden opportunity to let loose with the craziest idea you can think of, have a laugh, go all Onion on everyone.

After hearing that the Tampa Bay Devil Rays were changing their name, this is what I thought of.

God anoints the ‘Devil’-free Tampa Bay Rays His new favorites; team wins World Series

No song with the word “Devil” in the title has ever made it to Number One on the pop charts, and the Almighty has the same rules when it comes to baseball. (This mandate clearly does not apply to hockey, though that makes sense now that we think about it.) When pitchers and catchers report for spring training, God will hold a press conference, admitting that He had been punishing Tampa Bay for their transgression. “I really like that Crawford kid, and the way they stole Kazmir from the Mets…that was sweet,” God will be quoted as saying. “It actually bothered me to give them the smackdown year after year, but now that they’ve cleared their name, as it were, I see big things for this team.” The Rays will win the Series in a thrilling Game 7 comeback against the Chicago Cubs, who will have a 3-2 lead with two outs and the bases empty in the bottom of the ninth, then proceed to walk in the tying and winning runs.

It is now late-August, and with the Cubs’ win today, they have the best record in baseball. The Rays are a game behind them in the win column. Incredibly, this World Series match-up still has a chance of happening. Indeed, my joke prediction has come closer to fruition than some of our more right-minded declarations (see: “The Detroit Tigers will win the Al Central”). That scream you just heard, by the way, was Cubs Nation telling me to shut the hell up for jinxing their team. Anyone who saw Game 6 of the 2003 NLCS knows that my ‘walking in the winning run’ scenario is not that outrageous.

Anyone wanting to know what tomorrow’s lottery numbers will be, give me a call. I’m feeling lucky.