Boston Red Sox
2008 BEST PLAYER: Dustin Pedroia
Pure hustle. This tiny kid has won over RED SOX nation with his gutsy, balls-out play. He should never have to buy a beer in the Northeast US again. Not to mention boatloads of p—y.
2008 WORST PLAYER: Mike Timlin
Need a lead blown in the 7th? Mike is your man! He has lots of championship rings, which he’ll display on his middle finger at you while you call him a loser.
ALL-TIME BEST PLAYER: Ted Williams
The greatest pure hitter in baseball. Would have set many records and probably led the Red Sox to some titles if it wasn’t for a pesky little thing known as World War 2… He’s so damn good he’s in the Fishing Hall of Fame too.
*ALL-TIME WORST PLAYER: Eric Gagne
The French-Canadian closer was deadly as a Dodger, got hurt, stunk as a Texas Ranger and then stunk to HIGH HELL as a Red Sock. Boston couldn’t get rid of him fast enough…not sure why he’s even in the league anymore.
HONORABLE MENTION: Dave Roberts
His stolen base in Game 4 of the 2004 ALCS made the greatest series comeback possible.

New York Yankees
*2008 BEST PLAYER: Jason Giambi
He may be sorry about taking steroids, but he will NEVER apologize for that moustache.
2008 WORST PLAYER: Johnny Damon
America’s favorite traitor phoned it in and came up lame again. One of the key reasons the Yankees aren’t in the post-season for the first time since Jesus was seven.
ALL-TIME BEST PLAYER: Babe Ruth
It’s not known ans DiMaggio’s Pad or Mickey Mantle’s Place…it’s the House that Ruth built. The best ever. Period.
ALL-TIME WORST PLAYER: Jose Canseco
Oh Steinbrenner, have you ever met a bloated past-prime HULK that you didn’t overpay?
HONORABLE MENTION: Yogi Berra
When you look at the old dude today it’s hard to imagine he ever played baseball. He looks like a mix between Yoda and your grandpa, except twice as huggable.
HORRIBLE MENTION: Carl Pavano
So far he’s made $2.2 million per start this year. Remember that when you see how bad the economy is on the news. He’s spent more time on the DL than Eddie Murphy. (Look it up.)

Tampa Bay Rays
2008 BEST PLAYER: Carlos Pena
It was almost Longoria until he got hurt down the stretch…but the smiling Cuban Pena’s 28 homers and 88 rbi’s (so far) have put the Rays at the top of the AL East.
2008 WORST PLAYER: Jonny Gomes
The Vanilla Ice look-alike is about the only disappointment on this overachieving team. He’s been hurt half the year, but he’s only batting .177 when healthy. One of those rare players that has helped his team by not playing on it.
ALL-TIME BEST PLAYER: Scott Kazmir
He’s young, he’s fearless, he’s strong and he has great stuff. It won’t be long before he’s the best player on a different team.
*ALL-TIME WORST PLAYER: Jose Canseco
He smacked 34 homers while hopped up on horse pills, hurt his back and wound up picking up a cheap championship ring with the Yankees. Not technically the worst player the Rays have had, but just a black-hole of a–holeness that invaded the clubhouse for a while.
HONORABLE MENTION: Wade Boggs
The great 3rd baseman played his last two years for the Rays and picked up his 3,000th hit at Tropicana Field.
HORRIBLE MENTION: Hideo Nomo
The leg kick wasn’t fooling anyone anymore in his last full year in MLB service. He’s still a god in Japan, he just can’t get a table at a Hooters in Florida.

Ah, anytime someone gets the chance to make fun of Jose Canseco, I’m in.