I love this old clip of Chad Ochocinco Johnson from HBO’s “Hard Knocks” several years ago. We get a glimpse of how financially illiterate some pro athletes can be, as Marvin Lewis tries to explain to Chad how banks work.

Then at the end we learn that Johnson basically lives off of McDonald’s food. But anyone over the age of 30 knows that you can get away eating this stuff when you’re young and burn tons of calories, but as you get older you need to start eating better. As a pro athlete, Johnson clearly could handle fast food with all the calories he burns, but now he’s getting older as well. He’s fighting the perception that he’s lost a step, and I’d love to know if he still eats garbage every day.

Monday night, baby!

According to his Wiki page…

Cromartie has fathered eight children with six women living in five states, and has been named in at least five paternity suits in the past two years.

For what it’s worth, Cromartie is apparently married now.

Tom Brady recently said he hates the Jets so he’s not going to support them by watching “Hard Knocks.” Good for him.

Free of charge, here are five suggestions of things he could do instead:

5. Go antiquing…with his wife, Gisele Bundchen.
What’s antiquing, you ask? Well, it’s the act of shopping for antiques. (Don’t laugh.) The thought of it would make most men want to run their heads straight into a steel pole, but if you could afford to buy anything you want and follow this around all day, you’d make an exception too.

4. Take a cooking class…with Gisele.
My mother used to say that nothing tastes better than a home cooked meal. So why not take a cooking class with Gisele? Think of all the fun nights they’d have in the kitchen making dinner – clothing optional. Who knows, maybe this scene will ensue.

3. Wash his car…with Gisele.
He wouldn’t be a red blooded American male if he wasn’t out in the driveway doing something on the weekends. So why not wash that new Mercedes, and ask Gisele to pitch in? And maybe she wears nothing but a white T-shirt and some jean shorts? And gets a little wet? We’re just spitballin’ here, right?

2. Go horseback riding…with Gisele.
Rent a couple of stallions, hit the trail with the wife and see what happens. Breathe in the fresh air and soak up the sun. Maybe after a little truth or dare, she’ll agree to ride bareback.

1. Go lingerie shopping…with Gisele.
How great would it be to go to Victoria’s Secret with a Victoria’s Secret model? Only a handful of guys have that opportunity and Tom Brady is one of them. He should take advantage, and spend the afternoon in the dressing rooms letting Gisele model all that Victoria’s Secret has to offer.

The truth is, everything’s better with Gisele.

Must-see bonus video after the jump.

HBO chose to film the dysfunctional Bengals for its next installment of “Hard Knocks.”

The cable channel and NFL Films chose one of the league’s least-successful teams of the last 18 years for its next “Hard Knocks” training camp series. Last year, the Dallas Cowboys were the ones followed through training camp.

HBO started the program in 2001 with the Baltimore Ravens. Bengals coach Marvin Lewis was the defensive coordinator in Baltimore then, so he’s familiar with how it works. Still, television executives had to do some arm-twisting to get the team to go along.

The Bengals have only one winning record since 1991, when owner Mike Brown took over. One intriguing subplot will be how Brown, who shies away from cameras, comes across in the episodes. Brown didn’t attend a news conference about the show.

If there’s a better fit for “Hard Knocks”, I’m hard pressed to think of it. Having the opportunity to be filmed on a daily basis should make Chad Ocho Cinco’s day and maybe get him to stop crying (literally) about wanting to get traded.

San Diego State at Notre Dame
Both programs are reeling, hanging on for dear life, and just trying to find players to line up on the field. The Irish are on a roll, sort of, coming into this year’s opener with a modest two-game winning streak from last season. SDSU is coming off an embarrassing home-opening loss to Cal-Poly San Luis Obispo, which was their second home loss to the Mustangs in three seasons. This contest will played on Saturday in front of a nationally-televised audience on NBC at 3:30 PM ET.

Miami at Florida
This prime-time matchup used to be circled on the calendar of all college football fans as a must-see game with the winner gaining the advantage in the battle for the top recruits from the state of Florida. But times have changed; the Canes are coming off a 5-7 season, and just trying to get the program back on its feet. Oddly enough, Miami has a 12-8 all-time record at “The Swamp.” Tune in Saturday night at 8:00 PM ET on ESPN for another chapter in this in-state rivalry. [Official Smack Talk Thread]

Arizona Diamondbacks at Los Angeles Dodgers
Less than a week ago, the Dodgers seemed to be free falling in the NL West pennant race. They lost 9-3 in the opener of a three-game series in Arizona, and things didn’t look good with the Diamondbacks starting Dan Haren and Brandon Webb that weekend. But the Dodgers turned their season around by scoring 13 runs against the Arizona’s top two pitchers and were able to win both games. The rematch is set for this weekend at Dodger Stadium, with Friday night’s game on ESPN and Saturday’s contest on Fox’s regional baseball telecast.

Dallas Cowboys at Cleveland Browns
You could call this encounter “The Battle of the Media Darlings.” With five prime-time games this season, the Browns are trying to prove that their 10-6 record last season was no fluke. They play host to the Cowboys, who seem to be everyone’s fashionable Super Bowl pick. And if you’ve been watching “Hard Knocks” on HBO, you know that the Boys’ roster depth has taken a big with several pre-season injuries. Dallas fans shouldn’t be concerned, however, as every one of their 13 Pro Bowlers will be in uniform on Sunday. Check your local Fox listings to see if they are televising this game at 4:00 PM ET. [Anthony Stalter’s preview of the game.]