Jose Guillen can’t play defense, can’t get on base and he can’t hit for average.

So naturally Giants’ GM Brian Sabean had to have him.

On Friday, the Giants acquired the 34-year-old former Royal, who is well known for having a poor clubhouse reputation. That’s something the close-nit Giants don’t need right now heading into a huge weekend series with the first place Padres (the team the Giants are trailing by 2.5 games in the NL West).

Clearly hypnotized by his 16 homers this season, Sabean felt the need to add the outfielder despite the fact that Guillen is more useless than a chair with only two legs. Plus, his acquisition means that Aaron Rowand, Travis Ishikawa (assuming Aubrey Huff moves back to first base) and Nate Schierholtz will receive less playing time than they already are, which is befuddling when you consider that Guillen isn’t a better option than any of them.

If I punch myself in the side of the head enough times and squint hard enough, I might see the need for Guillen as a pinch hitter. But there’s no way that the Giants actually believe this schmuck is a starter. Do you know how much ground there is to cover in right field at AT&T Park? Guillen would be an absolute train wreck and for what? A couple of home runs down the stretch? I thought that’s what Pat Burrell was for? Didn’t Sabean already acquire Pat Burrell already? I’m confused.

The worst part is, Sabean traded away two capable outfielders earlier this season in Fred Lewis and John Bower – two homegrown players that were better defensively than Guillen and who came with zero baggage. How does trading Lewis and Bowker and trading for Guillen make any sense? Tell me what the difference is between those players, or how Guillen makes the Giants better than Lewis and Bowker? And what happens to Schierholtz? The kid entered spring training as the favorite to start in right field and after a poor couple of weeks at the plate, he became Lewis’d, Bowker’d and Kevin Frandsen’d in the blink of an eye. If I were a Giants’ farm player, I’d want to be dealt immediately because Sabean will eventually block my position with a crusty old vet. It’s only a matter of time.

Sabean doesn’t have the slightest clue what it takes to build an offense. For every Burrell, Huff and Juan Uribe, there’s a Rowand, Edgar Renteria and Mark DeRosa (who clearly wasn’t healthy when Sabean decided to hand him a two-year deal this past offseason). For every Bengie Molina trade, there’s a Guillen, Ryan Garko and Freddy Sanchez deal right around the corner.

I’ve never see a man make so many stupid decisions and yet retain his job for 14 years. If Brian Sabean were the President of the United States, half the nation would be underwater right now.

For at least a moment, let’s put away all of the Manny-Ramirez-disgraced-the-game headlines and talk a little baseball, shall we?

Who stands to gain the most from Manny’s 50-game suspension? Your answer might be the San Francisco Giants.

The Dodgers are the best team in the NL West regardless whether or not Ramirez is in their lineup. Andre Ethier is absolutely raking at the plate, Orlando Hudson is getting on base like it’s his life mission and 24-year old Chad Billingsley (5-0, 2.21 ERA, 42 Ks) is pitching like a Cy Young candidate.

The loss of Manny certainly hurts, but it’s not like the Dodgers have been a one-man wrecking crew in amassing the league’s best record to this point. Guys like Ethier, Hudson, James Loney and a couple of live arms in the starting rotation are good enough to compete in a weak NL West with or without Ramirez.

But there’s no question that having Manny in the lineup makes Ethier, Hudson and Loney better, while Juan Pierre (Ramirez’s sub in left field) is a massive drop off in every offensive category outside of stolen bases. The bottom line is that the Dodgers are a better offensive club with Ramirez in the lineup – much better.

Heading into Friday’s action, the Dodgers own a 5.5-game lead over the Giants, a 7.5-game lead over the Padres and 8.5-game leads over the Diamondbacks and Rockies in the NL West. Arizona can’t hit and is in turmoil after firing manager Bob Melvin, Colorado still has plenty of young talent but has been inconsistent to this point and one has to wonder if San Diego will stay competitive long enough not to be tempted to trade ace Jake Peavy in order to start building for the future.

That leaves San Francisco, who at 14-13 certainly isn’t a powerhouse, but it has enough pieces to make a run at the Manny-less Dodgers.

The Giants’ offense is absolutely horrid and they currently rank dead last in runs scored. Their lineup has zero pop outside of cleanup hitter Bengie Molina, they don’t have a true leadoff hitter (Fred Lewis is trying, but has already stated he’s uncomfortable with the role after batting third all spring), and their first basemen (Travis Ishikawa and Rich Aurilia) are hitting a combined .196.

But what’s intriguing about San Fran is its pitching staff, which currently ranks sixth in ERA and has given up the third least runs in all of baseball. Granted, the Dodgers have given up the least amount of runs and ranks second in ERA, but that’s why I made a point to state that they’re still the best in the division regardless of Manny’s absence.

The Giants’ pitching staff is comprised of three former Cy Young winners in Tim Linececum, Randy Johnson and Barry Zito (who is actually pitching very well this season despite being 0-2). Toss in two promising youngsters in Matt Cain and Jonathan Sanchez and the G-Men have one of the best starting fives in all of baseball. The bullpen isn’t spectacular, but if it can at least remain steady the Giants will be in most ballgames.

That said, the offense has to start producing. Outside of Molina and youngster Pablo Sandoval, the lineup is full of holes. Lewis is among the league leaders in strikeouts, Randy Winn is in the midst of a brutal slump and Aaron Rowand continues to fail to live up to the huge contract he signed last offseason. But the good news is that Edgar Renteria and Emmanuel Burriss are starting to come around at the dish and if manager Bruce Bochy could stop fighting his desire to play the veterans in the outfield, Nate Schierholtz has flashed potential as well.

The Giants and Dodgers are set to begin a three-game series tonight in L.A. Maybe this set will offer a small glimpse of whether or not the G-Men can hang with the Dodgers while Ramirez rides out his suspension. Either way, Giants-Dodgers is the second best rivalry in baseball next to Yankees-Red Sox and fans need something to get excited about in the wake of Ramirez’s 50-game absence.

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– Manny Ramirez to be suspended 50 games for positive PED test