If you drafted Steven Jackson or Lee Evans this year, you’re probably cursing their names after two weeks. Of course, the question now is, will they rebound or will they continue to falter? In my latest column, I list the 25 most disappointing fantasy players and discuss whether owners should hold or cut bait.
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In a small Midwestern town, there are two kids with lemonade stands, across the street from each other. The kid on the northern side of the street wants to sell his stand. He’s had it for a long time, and he’s done well with it, but his lime-aid stand and chutney squishee stands are hemorrhaging money, so he decides to sell the lemonade stand to recoup his losses.
Two streets to the south, there’s a kid that sells grape juice. His stand is wildly successful, and while the kid is a little obnoxious, his customers love him because he wants to give them the best damn grape juice possible. The grape juice kid would love nothing more than to buy the lemonade stand that’s up for sale. He knows that he would be inheriting a loyal fan base that has wanted the lemonade stand owner to sell for years. The grape juice kid approaches the seller and expresses an interest in buying his stand.
Just then, the owner of the stand on the southern side of the street comes over.
“You can’t buy his stand,” he says.
“Why not?” asks the grape juice magnate.
“Because I don’t want you owning a lemonade stand,” he says.
“What do you care?”
“I don’t think it’s in the best interest of the rest of the lemonade stand owners.”
“How do you figure?”
“We owners all get along pretty well, and we don’t take to your kind.”
“My kind?”
“You’re brash, you’re a loudmouth, and you question authority.”
“You say that last part like it’s a bad thing.”
“It is a bad thing. You’ll cause trouble, I just know it.”
“Well, what makes you think you can decide who owns this stand and who doesn’t?”
“I’m tight with the commissioner of lemonade stands.”
“The what?”
“The commissioner. He and I go way back. I recommended him for the job, and now I own him for as long as he holds the title. If I say that I don’t want you to own that stand, then you won’t own that stand.”
“This doesn’t make any sense.”
“Just trust me on this: you’ll never own this stand, we won’t allow it.”
“So who will you permit to buy the stand?”
“Old Man Parsons.”
“WHAT? He doesn’t know a thing about lemonade, and he doesn’t care about it, either!”
“Yeah, but he and I go way back, and he won’t rock the boat like you will.”
“I see. You like him because he’ll do whatever you tell him to do.”
“What are you implying?”
“That it is a colossal conflict of interest that you have any say whatsoever in who owns the stand across the street from you! It is clearly in your best interest for this stand to be as mediocre as it can possibly be, since it means less competition for your stand. But even if this stand does make more money than you, you STILL benefit because you share revenue at year’s end, right? You can talk all you want about how you’re acting in the best interest of the other lemonade stand owners, but let’s be honest here: you’re only looking out for yourself, because you’re cheap and you don’t want to work any harder to make the ridiculous amounts of money that you make with your own stand, which, frankly, is the junkiest stand in the neighborhood.”
“See? I knew that you’d question authority.”
The grape juice kid is fed up. “I’m done with you.” He finally pops the big question to the seller. “So tell me, how much do you want for the stand?”
“I don’t want to sell it to you,” the seller says.
“What?! Why not?”
“You’ll make me look bad. You’ll go out and spend more money to improve the stand in ways that I never did, and I’ll look like a deadbeat owner by comparison.”
“But you WERE a deadbeat owner! Nothing I do is going to change that!”
“Yes, but you’ll just make it that much more obvious. I’d rather the new buyer be someone just like me.”
“So you’d rather doom the lemonade stand to another two or three decades of mediocrity, spitting in the faces of the faithful customers that lined your pockets year in and year out, in the interest of saving face? Even though everyone knows that you’re dead broke and you need as much money as you can get your hands on?”
“That’s right.”
“Come on, what is Old Man Parsons offering for the stand?”
“He hasn’t given me a quote, but I’m sure it will be a fair and reasonable price.”
“Whatever he offers you, I will double it. Double your money. What do you say?”
“No thank you.”
“Are you all insane? How have you managed to make any money running these stands all these years?”
“Dunno. Ask our customers. After all, you’re the only one of us that gives a damn about them! Ahhhhh hahahahahahahaha!”
And with that, the two lemonade stand owners walked away from their stands and shared a cigar that one of them had stolen from his father.
Every week, I highlight a few players to start and a few players to sit at each position. I’m a firm believer in starting your studs, so I won’t tell you about how Carson Palmer or Frank Gore has a tough matchup – just go ahead and start them. I’ll focus on the borderline guys – players you’ll only start under the right circumstances. It’s important to note that depending on your roster and situation, you may not be able to follow these recommendations. For example, if I suggest you bench a solid starter like Ben Roethlisberger, only do so if you have a clearly better option on your bench.
START ‘EM
QB: Be sure to start Vince Young and Matt Hasselbeck, who should both have breakout weeks against the Saints and the Bengals, respectively…Jason Campbell is a great start against the Giants, who have given up a league-worst 316 passing yards per game (along with 3.5 TD per game)…For the desperate, Derek Anderson has a nice matchup against the Raiders, who have given up an average of 279 yards and 2 TD through the air…For the super-desperate, Trent Green and Rex Grossman also have good matchups this week.
RB: His team will probably have trouble moving through the air, so Travis Henry could have a big day against the Jaguars, who have given up a league-worst average of 182 yards on the ground…The Dolphins D is struggling right now (179 yards and 1.5 TD allowed on the ground), so Thomas Jones should enjoy more success than he had in the first two weeks…Cadillac Williams surprised many by starting Sunday and scoring twice. He should have a nice week against the Rams, who are the 8th worst team against the run…The Raiders have given up the 7th most rushing yards, so the Browns’ Jamal Lewis should be in your starting lineup.
WR: Contrary to popular belief, the Ravens D has been susceptible to the pass this season, so Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald actually have a pretty good matchup…Bernard Berrian (vs. DAL), Braylon Edwards (@ OAK), Ron Curry (vs. CLE), Hines Ward (vs. SF), Deion Branch (vs. CIN) and Santana Moss (vs. NYG) all face suspect defenses and should be in your lineup if possible.
SIT ‘EM
QB: It would be wise to bench Matt Schaub this week. He faces the Colts, likely without star wideout Andre Johnson, and should find the going tough…Until they prove me wrong, I’m going to keep recommending to bench non-stud QBs going up against Champ Bailey and the Broncos DT. This week, it’s David Garrard’s turn…Don’t count on Alex Smith breaking out of his funk against a Steelers D which is 4th best in passing yards allowed…Tony Romo, Brett Favre, Jay Cutler and Phillip Rivers all have tough matchups, but can be started if necessary.
RB: Edgerrin James is off to a good start, but he faces the Ravens, who have yielded just 62 rushing yards per game and no TD on the ground…Marshawn Lynch faces the Pats, who lead the league in fewest rushing yards allowed…Stay away from the Detroit running game. Kevin Jones may be back and neither he or Tatum Bell are good options against a stingy Steelers rush D.
WR: Patrick Crayton is coming off a finger injury and faces a very tough Bears D, so he should stay on your bench this week…Javon Walker is a must start, but Brandon Marshall might have a tough week against a stingy Jacksonville defense, which has given up an average of 139 pass yards and 0 TD through the air this season…Amani Toomer (@ WAS) and Darrell Jackson (@ PIT) will also find the going tough this week.
SLEEPER OF THE WEEK
DeShawn Wynn (vs. SD)
The Chargers traditionally have a good run defense, but they’ve struggled so far this season. Wynn, a former Florida Gator, has run with good wiggle and speed in the first two weeks, and has shown a knack around the goal line. Moreover, Brandon Jackson has struggled to run the ball and isn’t showing the kind of patience necessary to succeed in a zone blocking run scheme. Wynn is no sure thing, but if you’re desperate for some RB help, he’s worth a shot.
TOUGH SLEDDING
Frank Gore (@ PIT), LaDainian Tomlinson (@ GB) and Larry Johnson (vs. MIN)
Keep these guys in your starting lineup, but don’t expect big games from them. They face three of the best defenses in the league and their teams will probably find more success with the pass than with the run.
Be sure to check back Friday for an injury update.
ESPN’s Bill Simmons loves NBC’s “Friday Night Lights.” So do I. So do us both a solid and check out at least the first four episodes of Season 1, which is available now on DVD at your local video store and for free online at NBC.com. It may take you a while to work through the season, so just be sure to TiVo the first few episodes of Season 2 (which starts Oct. 5) so you can get all caught up.
Like many, Simmons watched the first episode and wasn’t impressed:
I watched the pilot when it originally aired, but I didn’t love it: too much puke-cam (the camera stopped moving so much in later episodes) and an unspeakable sports inconsistency (Dillon High completes a game-winning Hail Mary that could have happened only on a 140-yard field). Once the abysmal ratings were announced, I assumed the show was doomed and opted not to waste my time with Episode 2.
Then, his buddy sent him an early release Season 1 DVD set from Japan:
As he predicted, the Sports Gal and I ripped through all 22 episodes in a week, learning the Japanese words for “play,” “stop” and “pause” in the process. Quite simply, FNL is the best date show ever, an improbable cross between The O.C. and every sports show you ever wanted Hollywood to make. It’s the first show my wife and I have loved equally, but for different reasons. What can be better than that?
If you do give it a shot, let me recommend the impeccable acting, the lively football scenes (although they tend to go overboard on exciting finishes), the risky story lines and especially Coach Taylor’s family, the most authentic household in recent TV history. Every nuance is nailed, every hug seems genuine, every fight makes sense, every sarcastic barb and flustered reaction ring true. If there are better TV actors than Kyle Chandler (Coach) and Connie Britton (Mrs. Coach), I haven’t TiVoed them. Pay particular attention to the astonishing two-parter in which an older assistant sets off a racial powder keg before a big playoff game. If FNL were Michael Jordan, Lyla Garrity’s slam-page episode would be the 63-point game in Boston (the coming-out party), and the two-parter would be the 1991 Finals (the moment considerable potential is realized).
Look, I’m the biggest White Shadow fan on the planet … and even I concede that FNL is the greatest sports show ever. Shadow died prematurely because the story line called for it to graduate too many key characters at once. I can live with that. FNL is going to die prematurely because five times as many Americans would rather watch an acerbic British guy belittle dreadful singers on a reality show. I can’t live with that.
So please, please help me and every other FNL fanatic. Watch the show. Spread the gospel.
Amen, brother.
Are there any other FNL fans out there?
In Jason Whitlock’s latest column for FOX Sports.com, he discussed Donovan McNabb’s comments that black quarterbacks are more criticized than their white counterparts. To summarize the article, Whitlock supported McNabb’s comments, although he also felt that they were, “incomplete and therefore, out of context.” Whitlock went on to defend his opinion by stating McNabb has received less help on the field than Peyton Manning, Carson Palmer and Tom Brady, as well as off the field, citing several instances which I’ve gathered below.
Donovan McNabb has been attacked from every racial angle. A leader of the Philadelphia NAACP ripped McNabb for becoming more of a pocket passer. He’s criticized by some for being too close to his parents. His leadership ability has been questioned because he didn’t respond forcefully enough to TO’s stupidity.
Wow. This dude is as good as it gets. He comes from a great home, wonderful, dignified parents. He’s carried himself with class through a ton of adversity. He’s a winner. He’s exactly what we claim we want pro athletes to be.
But somehow that’s not good enough. And you think there’s not more criticism heaped on black quarterbacks?
I was with Whitlock up until the last sentence. It’s hard to argue that McNabb has seen more trials and tribulations than some of the more renowned white quarterbacks. But McNabb is only one person, making him one black quarterback. Whitlock is referring to McNabb’s troubles, not all black quarterbacks in the league. So it’s hard to insinuate that all black quarterbacks are criticized based only on what has happened to McNabb. If Whitlock made a specific case for all black quarterbacks, then his argument might be stronger. But in my opinion, that still leaves McNabb’s comments shortsighted.
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