The Boston Celtics were a mess, and Bill Simmons does a great job of explaining how Danny Ainge was able to dump four players who had to go. He doesn’t pull any punches when decribing Mark Blount:
Blount duped the Celtics into signing him to a 6-year, $40 million deal during the last three months of the 2004 season, when he averaged 20 points and 10 rebounds and resembled a poor man’s Robert Parish. That summer, when they re-signed him, I wrote a column defending the decision (after all, it was market value for a starting center) while leaving the door open that he had hoodwinked the team with his contract push. Of course, my father was horrified and thought they made a terrible mistake, screaming, “It’s Mark Blount! He’s got bad hands! He’ll always have bad hands!”
As it turned out, that was the least of our worries. Blount simply checked out after the contract — indifferent on the court, indifferent off it, the kind of guy who watched the Jumbotron during timeouts and walked on the court for a noon practice at 11:59:59. This season he averaged an astonishing 4.2 rebounds a game — to put this in perspective, Nate Robinson averages more rebounds per minute. Throw in his contract (four excruciating years after this one), youngster Kendrick Perkins (who needs to play) and the immortal Doc Rivers (who kept throwing Blount in there even after his bosses agreed, “Hey, Perkins needs to play!”), and getting Blount off the team was Danny Ainge’s number-one goal before the deadline. Mission accomplished. Minnesota should be perfect for Blount — it’s cold and depressing, and so is he.
He also delivers a perfect explaination of Ricky Davis’ game:
As for Ricky Davis (the key for Minnesota), he matured over the last three seasons from “selfish me-first gunner who partied like a madman off the court” to “team-oriented guy who worked his butt off and wanted to get better.” But there’s a ceiling with him — some habits just can’t be broken, especially for guys who came into the league when they were 19 and bounced around for the next few years. For instance, he’s an atrocious defensive player. Just atrocious. He TRIES hard, and he’ll get to a couple loose balls every game, and he rebounds and stuff, and maybe he’ll pick off an occasional cross-court pass … but if there’s anyone in the league who could have used a few more trips to basketball camp as a kid, it’s Ricky. You know the whole concept of “move your feet, keep your body in front of your guy and the basket?” Totally foreign to Ricky. He’ll help you out on defense, but he’s always a second late. You can pick-and-roll him to death because he’ll invariably make the wrong choice. If you’re a good shooter, he’ll forget this five-six times per game and give you a wide-open shot. And so on and so on. Again, because he’s trying hard, it seems like he’s a good defender. He’s not.
Offensively? He’s explosive in the open floor (it’s a shame that he spent his whole career playing without a real point guard) and someone who can wake up a dead crowd in three seconds. In a halfcourt offense, if you’re running him off screens, nobody’s better at curling around to the top of the key and making open 18-footers. Against poor defenders, he can beat them off the dribble and create his own shot. But that’s about it. If you’re not specifically running plays for him, he stands around and watches everyone else. Any good defensive team could shut him down — just look at what happened in the Indiana series, or some of the Detroit games this season.
Then he gives us this hilarious line:
With Blount’s contract off the books, and Olowokandi’s contract done after the season, the Celtics will be under the cap this summer. Now Danny can sign another white guy to go with Wally, Raef, Scalabrine and Dan Dickau for an official Whitewash. Bring back the tight shorts from the ’80s, Danny! Let’s take this thing all the way!
I can laugh and also learn something every time I read one of Simmons’ columns. That’s pretty rare, and that’s why he’s one of the best.
