Third base: it’s almost as bad as shortstop.

In retrospect, we’d like to add a twelfth MLB player we would not want to be in 2011, and that is Jose Bautista. Going undrafted in most leagues, he scored over 200 points more than any other third basemen in one of our leagues last season, which means he now has a giant fantasy bullseye on his chest, and if he doesn’t finish in the top five among third basemen this year, he’ll be considered a bust. The reason? The sixth-ranked third baseman in the draft projections is a second baseman (Martin Prado). Yikes.

“Ski-doosh.”

But fear not, fellow roto-geeks. There are some bargain picks to be had at the hot corner once the big five (Evan Longoria, Alex Rodriguez, David Wright, Ryan Zimmerman, and Bautista) are off the board. Obviously your best bet is to get one of them, but if that is not an option, stock up on as many other positions as you can, and with some luck, these men below will hopefully keep you competitive.

Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox
The Greek God of Walks will obviously do more than just keep you competitive, but you’ll need to wait a few games (ten in most leagues) before you can play him there. Once he’s set, though, just sit back and enjoy the show. And by the show, we mean the shots of Youkilis cursing at himself on the bench whenever he makes an out. Competitive bugger, that Youkilis.

Pablo Sandoval, Giants
The Panda lost 38 pounds this offseason, and is already tearing the cover off the ball in spring training. We love players who have something to prove, and after compiling a limp .268-61-13-63 stat line in 2010, Sandoval is that guy. But is he really sloted to bat eighth in the order? That’s a little disconcerting.

Aramis Ramirez, Cubs
Contract year, ahoy! Yes, the Cubs have an option for 2012, but it’s at $16 million, and it will only be guaranteed if Ramirez wins the MVP or the Cubs go to the World Series. (In other words, it will not be guaranteed.) He looked like his old self by year’s end after a putrid first half, and with the addition of Carlos Pena, the Cubs lineup has the potential to be dangerous. It could also implode at a moment’s notice – witness yesterday’s dugout dispute, which involved the normally laid-back Ramirez – but we expect Aramis to sing for his supper.

Mark Reynolds, Orioles
Talk about an ideal situation. Reynolds is currently projected to bat seventh for the new-look O’s, and even there, he’ll have Derrek Lee in front of him and Matt Wieters behind him. He won’t have any of the pressure to produce that he had in Arizona, and one has to think that will have a huge impact on his approach at the plate. Of course, we’re still avoiding him like the plague in our points-based leagues (those 200 strikeouts are death), but he’s definitely worth a late flier in 5×5 leagues.

Casey McGehee, Brewers
He led the Brewers in RBI last year. Let us guess – you thought that honor belonged to Ryan Braun or Prince Fielder? So did we. McGehee could stand to take a few more walks (all right, a lot more walks), but he’s a damn fine hitter overall.

Pedro Alvarez, Pirates
He’s probably going to strike out a ton this year now that the teams have him on video, but he’s probably also going to hit close to 30 dingers and drive in 100 runs, and can likely be had in the 17th round. Works for us.

Chris Johnson, Astros
Meet the new Mark Reynolds, same as the old Mark Reynolds? Time will tell, but he could be good for 20 homers, if you can stomach the strikeouts.

Martin Prado, Braves / Chone Figgins, Mariners
Why, again, would you play either at third base when they’re eligible at second base?

Use him while you can

Michael Young, Rangers
Who the hell knows what he’ll be eligible at next year.

Below is our official ranking of third basemen.

1. Evan Longoria, TB
2. Alex Rodriguez, NYY
3. Ryan Zimmerman, WAS
4. David Wright, NYM
5. Jose Bautista, TOR
6. Kevin Youkilis, BOS (will not be eligible at beginning of season)
7. Adrian Beltre, TEX
8. Pablo Sandoval, SF
9. Aramis Ramirez, CHC
10. Casey McGehee, MIL
11. Michael Young, TEX
12. Pedro Alvarez, PIT
13. Michael Cuddyer, MIN
14. Mark Reynolds, AZ
15. Scott Rolen, CIN
16. Chone Figgins, SEA (will not be eligible at beginning of season)
17. Chipper Jones, ATL
18. Ian Stewart, COL
19. Placido Polanco, PHI
20. Chase Headley, SD
21. Chris Johnson, HOU

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here. Shortstop is the new second base, a fantasy wasteland where only six (!) players are projected to be drafted in the first ten rounds. Six, out of a hundred. That’s bad.

“Hello. I’m Derek Jeter, and you’re not.”

Worse, only five of those players are proven fantasy performers year after year, and even that is stretching the truth until it nearly breaks. Truth be told, there is one guy in this group (Hanley Ramirez) that has held up as a reliable fantasy stud. The rest are streaky, as in ‘Will Ferrell in “Old School”‘ streaky. (Tulo, we’re looking at you.) What is a fantasy manager to do once Hanley and Troy Tulowitzki are off the board? For starters, don’t panic, and for God’s sake don’t reach. Continue to take the best guy on the board, and see if one of these guys lands in your lap.

Jose Reyes, Mets
The late, great Sparky Anderson once said, “Just give me 25 guys on the last year of their contracts; I’ll win a pennant every year.” You think he wouldn’t love to have Reyes this year, since he’s essentially auditioning for all of Major League Baseball? The Mets are so bogged down with money issues that there has even been speculation that they will have a hard time paying their players, which makes the likelihood of a contract extension to Reyes unlikely. Meanwhile, the shortstop of the Red Sox, Marco Scutaro, has a player option on his contract for next year, which the club could buy out for $1.5 million. Don’t think for a minute that Reyes doesn’t know this, and will bust his ass to get him some Carl Crawford money. Having said that, don’t bid the moon and the stars to get him. If he comes to you, great. If not, then take a look at…

Marco Scutaro, Red Sox
Reyes’ 2010 stat line was .282-83-11-54-30. Scutaro’s line was .275-92-11-56-5. Nearly identical in every category except steals, and he can be had 11 rounds after Reyes is off the board. If you play in a points league and Reyes is gone, take a deep breath, and remember that the next best thing is a mere 110 picks away. Scutaro is the textbook definition of a value pick, even if he spends the entire year in the 9-hole.

Derek Jeter, Yankees
Thanks to his worst year offensively since his rookie season, plus the embarrassing public back-and-forth with the Yankees for a new contract extension, Derek Jeter’s stock has never been lower, and he knows it. Jeter has spent spring training doing extra sessions with Yankees hitting coach Kevin Long to work on shortening his swing, so look for him to play with an anvil-sized chip on his shoulder.

Rafael Furcal, Dodgers
Furcal’s 2010 stat line was .300-66-8-43-22…in 97 games played. Over a full season, that projects to .300-110-13-71-36. Not bad, and it can be all yours for the low, low price of a 16th round pick.

Starlin Castro, Cubs
He could probably use another year of seasoning, but Castro has the skills to be a Jose Reyes-caliber player. He batted .300 his rookie season (and remember, was only 20 years old) and showed occasional pop. If there is one thing he needs to work on – besides his defense – it’s his base stealing. He stole 10 bases, but was caught a whopping eight times. He certainly has the wheels to steal close to 30 bases if the Cubs gave him the green light, but he clearly needs to work on his timing and anticipating the off-speed pitch. (Ask Aubrey Huff about that last one; he stole seven bases last year, and wasn’t caught once.) He’ll make for a nice backup this year, but look for him to take a big jump in 2012.

Don’t believe the hype

Elvis Andrus, Rangers
Fantasy geeks love this guy, but the truth of the matter is that he’s the Juan Pierre of shortstops, only not as productive. He hit six homers in his rookie campaign but didn’t hit a single home run last year, and his caught stealing ratio (32 steals in 47 attempts, 68% success rate) is atrocious. Pierre, by comparison, was caught 18 times, but stole 36 more bases than Adrus did (79% success rate). Here’s perhaps the most damning stat of all: in our points league, Andrus was outscored last year by Jeff Keppinger, Juan Uribe and Yuniesky Betancort. Ow. If he cuts those caught stealings in half, he’ll be a useful shortstop for 5×5 leagues, but last we checked, speed only affects one of those five stats, while power affects the other four. Just sayin’.

Use him while you can

Juan Uribe, Dodgers
He’s playing second base this year. D’oh.

Below is our official ranking of shortstops.

1. Hanley Ramirez, FLA
2. Troy Tulowitzki, COL
3. Jose Reyes, NYM
4. Derek Jeter, NYY
5. Jimmy Rollins, PHI
6. Alexei Ramirez, CHW
7. Rafael Furcal, LAD
8. Marco Scutaro, BOS
9. Elvis Andrus, TEX
10. Stephen Drew, ARI
11. Miguel Tejada, SF
12. Yunel Esobar, TOR
13. Starlin Castro, CHC
14. Ian Desmond, WAS
15. Cliff Pennington, OAK
16. Juan Uribe, LAD
17. Yuniesky Betancourt, MIL
18. Alcides Escobar, KC
19. Jhonny Peralta, DET
20. Alex Gonzalez, ATL

Here is how deep the first base pool has become: the guy who finished fourth statistically among first basemen, and who hit more home runs than every first baseman not named Albert Pujols, is ranked 12th in CBS’s projections for 2011 (14th if you count two 1B-eligible catchers). Twelve first basemen are projected to knock in over 100 runs (nine accomplished this feat last year), and 11 are projected to hit over 30 home runs (nine accomplished this last year as well). Which means, in theory, you could be the ninth person in your league, or even the last, to draft a first basemen, and you’ll still be good for a 30-100 stat line. Not too shabby.

Big Dog goes ‘Arf’

And to think, that doesn’t include guys who hit 25 home runs or more (add another six). Underneath that group are another dozen hitters capable of blasting 25 dingers, provided you’re flexible in the batting average and strikeout department. First base is deep, kids, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do your due diligence on the position. First, let’s discuss the wounded birds looking to reclaim their 2009 glory.

Kendry Morales, Angels
Yes! I just hit a Grand Slam and won the game for my tea-OW! What the hell just popped in my foot? Even stranger, this bitten-by-home-plate thing happened to two different guys last year. Morales was a beast in 2009, hitting 34 dingers and knocking in 108 runs (He even stole three bases, though his success rate was a dismal 30%), and he’s reasonably well protected with Vernon Wells, Torii Hunter and the ageless Bobby Abreu hitting around him. A safe estimate would be a 5% drop from his 2009 numbers, but he certainly has the potential to do better than that.

Justin Morneau, Twins
We love what a pure hitter Morneau is, but this concussion business is spooky. Football players come back from one after a week or two, while Morneau has been sidelined since July, which makes us wonder: what exactly was he seeing, and are those images still dancing around the periphery? The Twins are smart to be cautious with one of their most prized hitters, but we’re now eight months removed from the injury, and the Twins are still treating him like the boy in the plastic bubble. That’s troubling to put it lightly. His draft value obviously takes a hit – a third rounder last year, he’s a projected late sixth rounder this year – but that also makes him one hell of a steal, if he’s healthy.

Adrian Gonzalez, Red Sox
He’s a projected second-round pick, despite the fact that he had major shoulder surgery in the offseason. Why is it that no one is concerned about Adrian Gonzalez, even though he’s no further along than Justin Morneau and is behind Kendry Morales’ timetable? Of course, we know the answer to this: it’s because fantasy goons are so geeked out about the prospect of Gonzalez in Fenway – with that lineup – that they’re willing to overlook his current rehab schedule. As it stands, though, he’s not a lock to be ready by Opening Day. Of course, that would not stop us from scooping him up in the third round, if not sooner.

Stuck in the Middle with You

No one is expecting these guys to carry their team’s burden, which puts them in the perfect position to shock the world.

Ike Davis, Mets
He’d probably never admit it in public, but Ike Davis has to love all of the hoopla surrounding the company brass. With much of the Mets talk focused on money – and whether they’ll have enough to re-sign Jose Reyes at season’s end – Davis can enter camp relatively worry-free. That’s as ideal a situation for a second-year player as they come.

Adam Lind, Blue Jays
Young players don’t like sitting on the bench. Hell, old players don’t like sitting on the bench. They want to play, which would explain why Lind’s production in 2010 dropped in conjunction with his playing time (92 games at DH in 2009 versus 120 in 2010). All right, Lind’s production actually dropped more than his playing time, but he still managed to hit 24 bombs last year, and now that he’s the team’s full-time first baseman, expect his head to be much more in the game than he has ever been.

Gaby Sanchez, Marlins
He could hit for more power, sure, but 19 dingers as a rookie, even a 26-year-old rookie, is nothing to sneeze at. As he hits his age-27 year, and the Marlins are looking for power sources to make up for the loss of Dan Uggla, Sanchez has volunteered for the job. Works for us, and he steals a few bases, too.

Paul Konerko, White Sox
Like we said earlier, he’s the 12th ranked first baseman, projected to leave the boards at the end of the 11th round. Really, with Alex Rios and Adam Dunn hitting ahead of him, and Carlos Quentin behind him? We’ll take that bet any day.

First Basemen Who Are Eligible at Catcher

Why on earth would you play them any position other than catcher? Geez, that’s an easy one.

Below is our official ranking of first basemen (again, excluding those eligible at catcher):

1. Albert Pujols, STL
2. Miguel Cabrera, DET
3. Joey Votto, CIN
4. Adrian Gonzalez, BOS
5. Mark Teixeira, NYY
5. Ryan Howard, PHI
6. Kevin Youkilis, BOS
7. Kendry Morales, LAA
8. Prince Fielder, MIL
9. Justin Morneau, MIN
10. Adam Dunn, CHW
11. Paul Konerko, CHW
12. Billy Butler, KC
13. Pablo Sandoval, SF
14. Aubrey Huff, SF
15. Adam Lind, TOR
16. Ike Davis, NYM
17. Carlos Pena, CHC
18. Gaby Sanchez, FLA
19. Carlos Lee, HOU
20. Michael Cuddyer, MIN
21. Derrek Lee, BAL
22. Freddie Freeman, ATL
23. Garrett Jones, PIT
24. Adam LaRoche, WAS
25. James Loney, LAD

For the people who actually play and manage the game of baseball, however, it is a much, much different story. Some have contract issues to deal with; others have to try and deliver the same numbers they racked up the previous year even when the lineup around them is depleted. Managers have to talk to reporters about taking baby steps with young players, while telling their shrink that they just can’t bear the thought of losing another 95 games. General managers have to find a way to fill that hole, and they all have a hole. Of the hundreds of players, managers, and baseball personnel currently working in the majors today, though, these are the ones we pity the most. (Thanks to the good people at Baseball Reference for their meticulous, endless stream of statistics and bread sticks.)

Vernon Wells

His contract (seven years, $126 million) was considered to be one of the most untradeable contracts in baseball, and his sub par performance after inking said contract only made it seem like an even bigger albatross. (Sports writers like using the word ‘albatross.’ It makes them look well read.) Granted, he broke his wrist in 2008, and dealt with the lingering effects of it in 2009, but no one remembers that; they just remember the numbers, and Wells was once again confirming his reputation as the “Star Trek” movie franchise of baseball players. Last year, wrist fully healed after surgery, Wells had a nice bounce-back year (he ranked 16th among outfielders in one of our points-based fantasy leagues), so you can see why The The Angels Angels of Anaheim, after missing out on Adrian Beltre and Carl Crawford, would view Wells as a worthwhile gamble.

Having said that, Wells is positively boned if he turns in a season less than, or even equal to, his 2010 numbers. Anaheim is taking on nearly all of the money remaining on his contract (a whopping $86 million), and given that the Angels traded Juan Rivera and Mike Napoli in order to get him, Wells will be expected to perform at astronomical levels for the remainder of the contract. Good thing he has his stellar defense to fall back on during the rough patches.

Michael Young

Poor bastard. When the Rangers asked Michael Young to move from second base to shortstop to make room for Alfonso Soriano (who’s now a left fielder, by the way), Young did so. When the Rangers asked Young to move from shortstop – where he had just won his first Gold Glove – to third base in order to make room for Elvis Andrus, Young did so, though a bit more reluctantly than he was the first time. Now the Rangers have signed Adrian Beltre, and they’re asking Young not to play at all; just grab a bat every couple of innings. This is not in Young’s DNA, and Young, understandably, has requested a trade. The Rangers, however, are having a hard time finding a suitor for Young, thanks to his backloaded contract (three years, $48 million), which will make for one awkward clubhouse in a few days.

It’s hard not to feel bad for the guy. He merely signed the contract that the Rangers offered him, and his batting numbers have remained relatively consistent (save for his nine home runs in 2007, though he did knock in 94 runs and steal 13 bases that year). The Rangers are trying to grant his trade wish – they’ve reached out to Colorado and Florida – but everyone in baseball knows the Rangers are stuck, and they’re telling the Rangers they’ll take Young if the Rangers eat the vast majority of his contract. As it stands, it looks as though Young will be a DH and part-time first baseman. As selfless as he’s been in terms of doing what was best for the team, it has to sting that this is how he’s rewarded for his selflessness.

Carlos Gonzalez

Because the Colorado Rockies just paid him $80 million for one good season, one in which he batted 45 points above his overall average in the minors. There has to be some regression to the mean this year, and when it happens, the fans will turn on him like he was Vernon Wells. Breaking out is easy, because no one has a book on you yet; following up is hard. CarGo was a highly touted prospect during his time in the minors, so he has the talent to get over the hump. But this will be the biggest test of his career.

St. Louis Cardinals General Manager John Mozeliak

He just let Albert Pujols – the best player of his generation – begin the season without a new contract, knowing that Pujols intended to test the free agent market at season’s end should that happen. And worse, there is rampant speculation that Pujols has a good chance to become a member of the rival Cubs, since the spend-happy Yankees and Red Sox have, or will have, in the case of Adrian Gonzalez, long-term options at first base. If Mozeliak is unable to keep Pujols, he will be a pariah. If Pujols becomes a Cub, he will need to enter the witness protection program.

The Cincinnati Reds starting rotation

We’ve seen this movie before. Dusty Baker gets a Cinderella team into the playoffs, where the clock strikes midnight and the carriage is turned back into a pumpkin. (Seriously, did anyone expect them to give Philadelphia a fight last year?) And that’s all right; not everyone can win the World Series. The following year, though, Baker goes out to prove that the previous year was no fluke, and he does that by riding his pitchers into the ground. Any Chicago Cubs fan will tell you that Baker has no sense of when to pull a pitcher, and the trail of dead he’s left in his wake is the proof; Matt Clement and Mark Prior, a mere 28 and 22 respectively when the Cubs were five outs away from the World Series in 2003, were both out of the league by 2006 due to lingering injuries (Prior is currently attempting a comeback with the Yankees), and former Reds pitcher Aaron Harang still hasn’t recovered from the four innings of relief he pitched in an epic – and ultimately meaningless – game against San Diego in 2008.

Now take a closer look at the Reds starters. Edinson Volquez recently returned from Tommy John surgery. Johnny Cueto and Homer Bailey have both gone on the disabled list with shoulder injuries. This could very easily be a one-and-done for the Reds. Someone better let Joey Votto know that he might be carrying more than the offense on his back this year.

Shin-Soo Choo

GAWD, imagine how popular this guy would be if he played anywhere but Cleveland. Hell, teammate Grady Sizemore still has a better Q factor than Choo does, though that owes less to Sizemore’s performance on the field (he only played 33 games last year) and more to him posting a naked picture of himself on Twitter. Choo, on the other hand, must have at least considered throwing the Asia Games in order to serve in the Korean Army; even if it meant dying on the battlefield, he would be freed of his obligation to play for the lowly Indians. Ah, but pride is an extremely valuable commodity among the Far Eastern countries, and despite racking up back-to-back 20-20 seasons with a .300 batting average for a team that lost 190 games during that same span, Choo is willingly coming back to play for a team that will likely finish in a dogfight for last place with Kansas City. And don’t be surprised if Kansas City leaves them in the dust.

Now, if you want to look at the silver lining, Choo is surrounded by oodles of potential, from Matt LaPorta to Michael Brantley to Carlos Santana (is there a better name in baseball than that?), and Travis Hafner still has the ability to surprise. But you can’t help but think that even Choo is looking at the fact that his manager wasn’t good enough to keep a job managing the Washington Nationals, and is hatching an escape plan. Unfortunately for him, the Indians have him under control until 2014, and while his bump in salary this year will be nearly ten times what he earned last year, it’s still a pittance compared to other players performing at the same level. Whether it’s as a member of the Cleveland Indians or as a soldier in the Korean Army, Shin-Soo Choo is spending the next three years of his life as an indentured servant. Sucks to be him.

Joel Hanrahan

Because he will almost never get a chance to close a game this year. Now, some will tell you that closers on bad teams are busier than closers on good teams, because the good teams tend to win their games by more than three runs. But this is the Pittsburgh Pirates we’re talking about, losers of 105 games last season and not at all improved during the offseason. The entire bullpen saved a total of 31 games last year (there were 12 individual players on other teams who saved more games than that), and none of their starters eked out more than nine wins. MLB surely has a ‘no tweeting during the games’ policy, so don’t be surprised if you see Hanrahan with a pair of knitting needles and yarn before June.

Kirk Gibson

Four years ago, the Diamondbacks were poised to break out with an unprecedented youth movement driven by Chris Young, Stephen Drew and Mark Reynolds – not to mention a staggering left-field performance from Eric Byrnes, who hit 21 home runs and swiped 50 bases – after they swept the Cubs in the first round of the playoffs. Today, virtually everyone from that team is gone (only four position players remain, and no pitchers), and the team that new manager Kirk Gibson has been handed is both very inexperienced (Juan Miranda, 46 games played at major league level) and very old (Melvin Mora, just turned 39). Like the Pirates, none of the pitchers broke double digits in the win column, though Daniel Hudson stands an excellent chance of fixing that. Still, Gibson has an uphill battle from day one against a very tough NL West, and if they start off poorly, he will get the blame, though he shouldn’t. This team is in no position to contend, and should be treated accordingly. It’s not an ideal scenario for a first-time manager, but on the plus side, he has Kevin Towers as his GM, so maybe next year. Definitely not this year, though.

Ichiro Suzuki

The slap-hitting Ichiro’s best skill is getting on base and scoring runs. But when there is no one behind you capable of knocking you in, you can’t score, which would explain why, after racking up eight straight seasons of 100 runs or more, Ichiro scored a mere 74 runs last year, which is one more run than Ian Kinsler scored…in nearly 300 fewer at-bats. The heart of the 2011 Seattle Mariners batting order consists of Jack Cust (13 HR, 52 RBI, 127 KO), Miguel Olivo (14 HR, 58 RBI, 117 KO), and Justin Smoak (13 HR, 48 RBI, .218 BA), which means Ichiro is going to have to try harder than ever to manufacture runs. Don’t be surprised if his caught stealing ratio shoots up as he searches for ways to boost his stats.

Jose Reyes

You picked a fine time to enter a contract year, Lucille. The Mets are only slightly younger than the Yankees, and their pitching staff, now that ace Johan Santana is out until at least June, consists of guys with #3 starter stuff at best. And don’t look for any help via trade, either: the Mets don’t have any chips to deal, and no money to lure in top-tier talent thanks to that whole Bernie Madoff thing. Some are even speculating that the Nationals will finish ahead of the Mets this year. It’s hard to make a case for why you should be one of baseball’s highest-paid players when your team’s in the cellar.

Joe Girardi

Sure, he’s the manager of the New York freaking Yankees and has a murderer’s row of hitters to jot in his lineup card each day (only Montgomery Burns had more mashers on one team), but Girardi has two big problems on his hands: his starting rotation is the thinnest it’s been during his tenure as coach, and he can’t put the team’s best leadoff hitter (Brett Gardner) in the leadoff spot. Why is that, you ask? Because that’s Derek Jeter’s spot, and he’ll be damned if you’re going to take that away from him, even though he turns 37 this year and is coming off the worst offensive season of his career. Of course, Jeter won another Gold Glove, which made baseball writers the world over choke on their inhalers.

With the Red Sox and Orioles much improved through the free agent market, and the Blue Jays and Rays hanging tough (remember, four teams from the AL East finished above .500 last year), this season will test Girardi’s mettle more than ever, because the hitters are going to slump from time to time; the average age of the starting lineup is 31.5, and their youngest player (Gardner) is 27, which is luck would have it is the same age that Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix and Kurt Cobain were when they died. If A.J. Burnett can’t get it together, that leaves the Yankees with two solid starters to get them to the All-Star break while GM Brian Cashman is forced to deplete their already depleted minor league system in order to land an arm. Until Cashman can pull a trade, though, all eyes will be on Girardi, as if he’s the one in the batter’s box and throwing the pitches. Don’t be surprised if he rues the day that he didn’t lobby for the Cubs managerial position when he had the chance. At least their fans can handle losing gracefully.

And that is the part that bothers me. These same people covered the players while all of this was going on, and I can barely stomach their sanctimonious hindsight when flaying their latest target. With each new development on the subject, we are told that:

1. Lots and lots of players took steroids
2. No one else, not the trainers, coaches, managers, anyone in the commissioner’s office and certainly not the writers and reporters, had any idea these players were taking steroids

The first part is obviously true. The second part, however, I find highly unlikely.

Let’s break this down, shall we? In order for both to be true, it means that the players would all have to individually seek out dealers, who by the nature of their business are not the most upstanding citizens, without drawing any attention to themselves. Ever. That’s giving the players and dealers an awful lot of credit, don’t you think? One of them would have slipped up, and in a moment of desperation met his dealer at the team hotel during a slump. It’s just far too big a secret for so many people to keep. The odds of no one else in baseball stumbling upon it, even accidentally…well, there’s no point in calculating the odds, because it didn’t happen.

No one in baseball knew that these men took steroids. Uh, sure.

But this doesn’t just require all of the players and dealers to have the stealth of a ninja – it also requires the player personnel and writers to be blissfully unaware of what is happening around them, to a point that approaches obliviousness. And these people aren’t oblivious. That must therefore make them liars, yes? Well, it would be irresponsible of me to say, since I have no proof that anything I’m saying here is true, but let’s just say that each group of personnel involved here has their own reasons for keeping their mouths shut. Here is how it looks from my ‘Joe Sixpack’ perspective.

The players: Those inflated statistics raised the value of contracts across the board. Even the ones who didn’t take steroids benefited from those who did, the whole ‘rising tide lifts all boats’ thing. The primary reason the players are playing dumb, though, is because nobody likes a tattletale. If a current player dished on teammates both past and present, he would never stop getting his ass kicked. It’s like the mafia: honor the omerta, or pay the price.

Managers/coaches/trainers: I had an RA in college who summed up his supervisory role like this: “If I don’t see it, hear it, or smell it, I don’t care about it.” Managers and coaches are in a similar position. They need plausible deniability in the event that shit meets fan, but until that day arrives, what they really need is to win. If they don’t win, they get fired. That kind of motivation will lead a person to overlook a lot of things. And remember: the managers and coaches are all former players. Omerta.

Reporters: Two words: career suicide. If anyone who covers baseball were to break a story about steroid use, they’d be banned from every clubhouse in the country. Nope, that story will have to wait for an investigative journalist with no agenda and nothing to lose. Like, say, Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams, who nearly went to jail over the content of their BALCO exposé “Game of Shadows.”

Let us not forget, baseball was dying when Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa went on their home run tear in 1998. Those two men are widely credited (and rightly so) with saving the game. Whether or not they achieved their results through illicit means, they put butts in seats, simple as that. The sudden spikes in home run numbers had to have raised an eyebrow or two at mission control, but I think it’s safe to say that the game’s salvation was a far greater priority at the time than its sanctity. Either way, that’s a hell of a choice to make, and in fairness to all concerned, I probably would have done the same thing. I mean, which would you rather be known for, being a participant in the Steroids Era, or the man who killed baseball?

And that’s the bottom line here. I completely understand why all of these people are denying any knowledge of the rampant steroid use that took place on their watch, and I don’t expect otherwise from them. But please, stop trying to convince us proles that the only people who knew about players using steroids were the players themselves. It’s insulting.

Raul Ibanez: .292-85-23-110-2
Mark DeRosa: .285-104-21-87-6
Milton Bradley .321-78-22-77-5

It’s a pretty average stat line as career numbers go, and don’t forget that he put up those numbers primarily as a DH, and he still only played 126 games due to nagging injuries. Yep, this is the man that the Cubs hoped would save them, to the tune of three years and $30 million. To add insult to injury, DeRosa now plays for the rival Cardinals.

“Let’s see, if I strike out like that 100 more times this year…I still make $7 million! Ahhhh hahahahahahaha!”

And would you look at that; now that Bradley has his money, he can’t hit water if he fell out of a boat. Well, let’s qualify that – he’s actually hitting .333…from the right side of the plate. He’s hitting .194 as a lefty, has been suspended for bumping an umpire, sent home by his manager after trashing yet another water cooler, and poisoned yet another clubhouse with his unpredictable temper. Bradley said before the season started that he had changed, that those days of flying off the handle (remember when he tore his ACL yelling at an umpire?) were long gone. How on earth did the Cubs believe him? Didn’t they see the “South Park” movie? Bad people always say they’ll change, but they never do.

So what do the Cubs do with Bradley now? He’s expected to take the next two days off to work on his approach from the left side of the plate with new hitting coach Von Joshua. A good start, but we have some other, admittedly extreme suggestions to the Bradley problem that we think the Cubs brass should consider.

Option #1: Release him
Pros: The clubhouse is immediately free of his melodrama, and everyone can finally breathe again. The Cubs are sixth in team ERA, so the pitching is just fine. The hitters, however, are tight as a drum. Lose Bradley, and we’ll bet dollars to donuts that they start hitting again. The move would also send a strong message to both the team and the fans that management is in it to win it, and that they’re willing to put the team’s best interests ahead of everything else, even if it means Hendry wears egg on his face for the foreseeable future.
Cons: The Cubs would be on the hook for the remainder of Bradley’s contract, which will hinder their ability to find a replacement on the free agent market. More importantly, pride always goeth before a fall when it comes to GMs taking responsibility for their bad contracts (see: Matthews, Gary Jr., and Rowand, Aaron), meaning Hendry is unlikely to say “My bad” anytime soon. From our standpoint, though, paying Bradley to disappear isn’t much different than the millions that the Reds are paying Ken Griffey Jr. in deferred money. Besides, who needs free agents when you have kids like Micah Hoffpauir and Jake Fox beating the snot out of the ball?

Option #2: Waive him
Pros: This is the more financially sensible move, since anyone who claims Bradley would assume the remaining money left on his contract.
Cons: No one is going to take on that contract. Bradley didn’t have a single multiyear deal on the table when the Cubs signed him, so there is no chance someone is going to suddenly want him for that many years when his value is at an all-time low.

Option #3: Send him to the minors
Pros: It frees up a roster spot with the big league club while allowing Bradley to get out of the spotlight for a while and figure things out.
Cons: He’s still a Cub. Plus, Bradley would surely have to approve such a move, and something tells us his ego is much too large to accept a demotion with anything resembling grace.

Option #4: Place him on the 15-day disabled list with social anxiety disorder
Pros: This is our personal favorite. Much like a demotion to the minors, this would free up a spot on the major league roster, while sending a loud, clear message to Bradley that management will not tolerate his immaturity for another minute. It’s like a shock collar for a ball player. Punch the water cooler? Boom, you’re on the disabled list, no injury required. Want management to take off the shock collar? Then quit being a jackass. And while Bradley may not be “anxious,” one could definitely make an argument for the man having one social disorder or another. As an added bonus, Bradley would be incensed with the designation, which is sort of the point; it’s not about you, Milton. It’s about the team. If management has to completely destroy your ego in order for you to understand that, so be it.
Cons: Again, he’s still a Cub. And even if the time away improves his attitude, there is no guarantee it will improve his hitting.

Sweet Lou Piniella apologized for sending Bradley home during last Friday’s game against the White Sox. To us, that was a mistake. There are far too many instances these days of management cowtowing to players that have not earned the respect they think they deserve, and few epitomize that better than Bradley. The man doesn’t just need to be humbled: he needs to be broken, like a wild horse. If the Cubs do not want to make the effort to break him, then they should cut him. Cubs fans have waited far too long for a title to be stuck with this clown for another two and a half years.

All 2009 Fantasy Articles | 2009 Position Rankings

The collective groan you heard when Alex Rodriguez announced that he would have “hybrid” surgery to repair his injured hip was not solely the work of the Yankee faithful. The ramifications in fantasy circles are staggering, especially if you, like me, happen to have the fifth pick in your draft.

Just a few days ago, I thought I had my draft strategy all figured out. The first round would simply be a matter of which of the Big Five (Hanley, Reyes, Pujols, A-Rod, Wright) fell to me. The mock drafts I conducted a few weeks ago indicated that Wright would be my guy, which was fine with me. The post-surgery view from the five-hole, however, is bleak. The Big Five is now the Big Four – Rodriguez is currently sitting at #49 in my draft room – and whichever player I take with my first pick now feels like a reach. However, after doing some stat sorting, I found my guy. He’s a former MVP with pop and speed. So why don’t I want to take him?

Because it’s the same guy I drafted with my first pick last year: Jimmy Rollins.

Before you Philly fanatics start throwing batteries at me, let me state for the record that I think Rollins is a damn fine ball player (obviously, or I wouldn’t have drafted him last year). My reluctance to take him is something that sabremetricians never factor into their projections: keeper fatigue. Truth be told, I’m kind of bored with Rollins. I was really looking forward to owning Wright, or Rodriguez, or someone else, anyone else, besides Rollins. It’s nothing personal; his stats are phenomenal, especially at one of the thinnest positions in the game. I just wanted some variety.

So why not draft someone else, then? Grady Sizemore is sitting at #6, screaming my name. He’s 27 – unlike rock stars, 27 is a great year to be a baseball player – and has 40-40 written all over him (plus, my wife thinks he’s cute). So why not take him? Two words: position scarcity. Actually, here are two more words: points league. I play in a league that keeps track of 34 different stats (17 for hitters, 17 for pitchers), and the combination of various hits plus stolen bases minus strikeouts, errors and getting caught stealing (once, when I was five) produces some strange results. Case in point: Johnny Damon scored more points last year than Aramis Ramirez, Miguel Cabrera and even Ryan Howard. Rollins, like Damon, isn’t as sexy a pick as he once was, but the simple fact is that it’s a lot harder to find a shortstop that can score over 500 points (there are three) than it is to find an outfielder (18) or first baseman (seven) that can do the same. In fact, the gulf between Rollins and the next shortstop is nearly 150 points. He was even injured last year, and still outscored the next shortstop by 90 points. The gap between Sizemore and the next outfielder, by comparison, is 30 points, so I can definitely get Sizemore-type production in the second or third round. It’s a no-brainer, really.

And I still don’t want to do it. Ugh.

That’s only half of my dilemma, though; what on earth do I do with Rodriguez? He had the surgery today and is scheduled to return in early May. There is just one problem: we have no idea when he’ll really return, and what kind of frame of mind he’ll be in when he does. Will the steroids talk have died down for good – insert your own “injury” conspiracy theory here – or will another wave of bad press hit between now and then? Personally, I’m not counting on him playing a game until Memorial Day, but will the other managers downgrade him as much as I am? It’s like playing Texas Hold ‘Em with baseball players. Hmmm, maybe that’s why there has been so much pious talk about how disappointed everyone is with Rodriguez because he tarnished the game, or whatever. People just want to devalue him so they can steal him in the seventh round.

But is even that a safe pick? There are dozens of other, healthier, and most importantly younger players out there. Would a full season of a lesser player be better than four and a half months of Rodriguez? Or are injuries overrated when it comes to the studs? After all, I passed up Pujols in the second round last year because I thought he was one bean ball away from Tommy John Surgery on that elbow of his. Man, did he show me.

So let me hear it, fellow fantasy dorks. What are you planning on doing with A-Rod? Avoiding him altogether, or waiting until the price is right? And what is the right price?