Mike Lopresti of USA Today lays out a pretty humorous mock interview for anyone who wants to coach for the circus that is the Oakland Raiders:
1. Why in heaven’s name would you want this job?
3. When you were a kid, did you ever dream of being in a circus?
5. Name three men in the NFL more important than Al Davis. Extra points if you can’t think of that many.
7. Are you prepared to make the tough decisions on the questions Mr. Davis gives you sole authority to answer? For instance, tie color. Very important. And when it comes to how you like your eggs, the buck stops at your desk.
8. Would you say the fact the Raiders have not won a Super Bowl in nearly 25 years is due to coaching error, league conspiracy or global warming?
9. Wouldn’t you agree that given the honor of working for the Oakland Raiders, getting paid isn’t really all that important?
10. Which golf course will you be playing on NFL draft day, so the Raiders can find you and let you know who you’ve drafted?
11. When you’re fired, would you prefer it be by e-mail or cellphone?
12. Were you ever in the jury pool for an Al Davis lawsuit?
13. If things go south, what names will you not mind being called on national television?
16. How quickly can you pack?
19. What will be your deadline each week for suggestions to be faxed from the owner’s box?
Thank you for your answers. We’ll be in contact soon. Just wait, baby.
No. 10 is pretty good.
