Upset that the offers aren’t pouring in for his services, free agent outfielder Manny Ramirez has apparently told friends that he’s willing to retire if he doesn’t get a deal soon.

Now, the truth is that Ramirez is highly unlikely to retire. But his dissatisfaction speaks to the lack of buzz that his free agency has generated, despite (or maybe because of?) his outstanding two-month stay with the Dodgers, which followed a highly contentious split with the Red Sox.

The Dodgers offered Ramirez two years and $45 million and then pulled the offer once open free agency began. The Yankees have some interest in Ramirez but are unlikely to pursue him if they land another big starting pitcher – with A.J. Burnett the most likely target – in addition to CC Sabathia.

The Nationals have been viewed as a potential landing site for Ramirez, yet for now, Washington is trying to acquire highly popular free agent Mark Teixeira.

Ramirez told a friend that he spends most of his time working out, watching cartoons and playing video games. He’d much rather be speaking to his agent Scott Boras about high-stakes negotiations.

Come on, Manny – buck up little guy. You’re 36, aren’t the best outfielder in the world and on top of that, you’re a freaking coconut. Every team would love to have your bat, but clubs aren’t going to rush to hand you a mega contract without thinking it over a few hundred times.

This situation is the equivalent to a kid who’s upset that he’s not getting enough attention at his birthday party so he threatens to run away. Then all of the parents get together, make an effort to make him the center of attention and soon enough, the kid is back to playing with his friends.