There’s a reason that ESPN is calling today “Monster Saturday”: It has completely run out of creative ideas. It’s a huge freaking day for college football.

If you’re a college football fan, today is one of those days where you put off all household chores, and curse your friends for even thinking of having a significant event. Or, if you’re a sports writer/part-time blogger, you curse the people who decided to hold your 10-year high school reunion during the Alabama/Penn State game. I mean, c’mon.

Miami is at Ohio State, Penn State is at Alabama, Florida State is at Oklahoma, and Michigan and Notre Dame might actually mean something. That’s a lot of tradition and meaning all packed into one day.

So how’s it all going to go?

First things first, you know what to watch, so I’m done with that. Instead, I’m going to tell you who’s going to win the top five games of the weekend. And I’m serious, these are the teams that are going to win. Bank on it. (Don’t, really. I don’t want to be held responsible for any of your gambling debts. My own are bad enough.)

No. 22 Georgia at No. 24 South Carolina, noon: Let’s take a moment to thank the NCAA for saving us all from the death of amateurism. I mean, how dare Georgia receiver A.J. Green think to sell his jersey? It’s obvious that money is strictly for the University of Georgia to make. I mean, where does he think he lives, America? Oh, yeah, the game … South Carolina could actually have the kind of weapons Steve Spurrier needs to be somewhat good this year. Not like Florida in 1996 good, but good enough to maybe win eight or nine games. Including this one. Pick: South Carolina 24-20.

No. 12 Miami at No. 2 Ohio State, 3:30 p.m.: Jacory Harris tweeted a picture of himself wearing wearing Oakland Raiders overalls earlier this week. What does this mean? Nothing. But it’s awesome. I suppose it does reinforce the belief that Harris is a wild card, and I think that goes for the football field, too. There’s a chance that he’ll go out today and dominate, throwing for 250-plus and a few touchdowns. There’s also a chance that he’ll throw three picks and be the reason Miami loses. Of course, Terrelle Pryor has the ability to go either way, too. I just think the players around Pryor are better than the players around Harris. Pick: Ohio State 27-17.

No. 17 Florida State at No. 10 Oklahoma, 3:30 p.m.: The Week 1 narrative went as such: Florida State is back! Oklahoma is weak! We’re probably somewhere in the middle, actually. Don’t get it twisted, Christian Ponder and the Seminoles are stocked full of talent, and they’ll win plenty of games this year. But Oklahoma isn’t near as bad as it may have looked against Utah State, and that will show today. Pick: Oklahoma 31-24.

Michigan at Notre Dame, 3:30 p.m.: I heard Colin Cowherd and Bob Davie talking on ESPN Radio the other day about how Michigan’s strategy against the Irish should be to take away the run and give them the deep ball, because Notre Dame doesn’t have the weapons to beat you deep. Um, really? Did it only take one day of ho-hum play from Michael Floyd for people who are supposed to know what they’re talking about to forget about him? Truth is, Floyd is going to have a huge day, but so is Michigan quarterback Denard Robinson. The difference is that the Irish have more weapons than Floyd, while Michigan is still searching for other game-breakers. Pick: Notre Dame 31-28.

No. 18 Penn State at No. 1 Alabama, 7 p.m.: There are a few things going Penn State’s way in this game. Mark Ingram probably isn’t going to play, and Marcell Dareus is definitely out for the Tide because of a suspension. Alabama has a very inexperienced secondary against some big Penn State receivers. But that’s about it. The Tide are stacked, and will be able to really bring it against Penn State freshman quarterback Robert Bolden. Add in the fact that it’s his first start on the road, and it’s a recipe for disaster. Pick: Alabama 31-14.