The Detroit Tigers are going to the World Series. Okay, so maybe they’re not going to the World Series, but they got off to a smoking hot start, winning their first five games and hitting a staggering 17 home runs (their opponents have only mustered four). Chris Shelton’s OPS is a ridiculous 2.074 right now. Yikes.

The Twins look even worse than I thought they’d be. Their team batting average right now is .225 (Detroit is batting .308), while teams are batting .333 against them, and that includes two starts from wonderboy Johan Santana. When I gave them the theme song “Sugar, We’re Going Down,” I had no idea how right I would be.

The biggest disappointments so far, though, have to be Philadelphia and San Diego. The Phillies have managed only six home runs and two stolen bases in six games, and their park is supposedly a bandbox. The Padres, meanwhile, just gave up over 30 runs to the Colorado Rockies, a team that supposedly can’t hit away from home. They hammered Jake Peavy for eight runs. Don’t they realize that they’re the Colorado Rockies?

The Yankees are off to another slow start, but they also had to open the season against Oakland and Anaheim. Give them time, they’ll be right back in it. The Cubs just swept the Cardinals for the first time in five years, thanks to a dramatic Grand Slam by Michael Barrett last night, which will give the fans just enough hope to have their hearts broken one more time. And how about those Brewers, baby! They aren’t exactly winning pretty, but they’re winning, keeping opposing hitters to a .203 average. Pittsburgh, meanwhile, might unseat Kansas City as the worst team in baseball. Jim Tracy has a long year ahead of him.