1. A Nipple licker – shot which opens up the hole
2. A Worm f***er – well struck shot, but which doesn’t get off the ground
3. A Sally Gunnell – ugly runner
4. A Paula Radcliffe – not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell but still a good runner
5. A Brazil – putt which shaves the hole close
6. On the dance floor – on the green
7. Does your husband play? – for when someone hits a short tee shot
8. Houston, we have re-entry – for whenever someone skies one off the tee
9. A Paris Hilton – an expensive hole
10. Tee Way Back – Chinese for a long hole
11. A Rick Waller – VERY fat…….and ugly…….with no redeeming features whatsoever
12. Gone from Ben Hogan to Hulk Hogan – to go from playing like a God to absolute crap.
13. Putting like a gynaecologist’s assistant – shaving the hole
14.A Diego Maradonna – a very nasty 5 footer
15. A Salman Rushdie – an impossible read
16. A Rock Hudson – thought it was straight, but it wasn’t
17. A Cuban – needs one more revolution
18. An Elton John – a big bender that lips the rim
19. An Adolf Hitler – two shots in the bunker
20. An Eva Braun – picked up in the bunker
21. A Saddam Hussein – go from bunker to bunker
22. A Yasser Arafat – ugly and in the sand
23. A Kate Winslett – little bit fat but otherwise perfect
24. A Kate Moss – bit thin

Some of these are freaking priceless.

Paris Hilton – an expensive hole…AWESOME.