- STET SPORTS has the trailer for the new Chris Cooley reality show, “The Cooley Zone” (which features his lovely wife, Christy, pictured). Chris and Christy — how cute! Count me in!

- THE SPORTZ ASSASSIN details a rumor that says that top high school prospect John Wall might be eligible for the NBA Draft this year.

- YARDBARKER has video of a ridonkulous soccer goal. It doesn’t look that odd in real time, but wait for the slo mo.

- Rick Reilly shadowed Kobe Bryant for a (game)day and ESPN has his report.

- SPORTSBYBROOKS laments that the two new NY ballparks have separate VIP areas for Very Important (a.k.a. Rich) People.

- INTENTIONAL FOUL has video of the top 7 dunks of the NCAA tournament. My favorite is Durrell Summers nasty dunk on Stanley Robinson in the MSU/UConn game.

- AZ FANS comments on James Harden expected decision to declare for the NBA Draft. Harden was unimpressive during the NCAA tournament, but had a great regular season. ESPN is reporting that Pitt’s DeJuan Blair is entering the draft as well. Both players should be solid pros.

- DEADSPIN has photos of Fox Sports West broadcaster, 50 year-old Bill MacDonald, as he snuggles with his 23 year-old girlfriend (who even MacDonald admits looks to be about 12) outside Angels Stadium.

- Rick Reilly appeared on Bill Simmons’ B.S. REPORT podcast this week. Want to hear a couple of writers pontificate about their different styles? This is the place.

- SPORTSBYBROOKS is furious about the New York Yankees latest scheme to separate Yankee fans from their money.

- THE LOVE OF SPORTS lists the top 10 reasons why it loves the Masters.

- SPORTSBYBROOKS tells us that the Denver Nuggets are only going to have cheerleaders at the weekend games. Don’t worry, fellas, Bouncing Bridget is safe. She’s part of the Denver Nuggets Dancers — a completely different thing.

- AWFUL ANNOUNCING has the leaked Wonderlic scores from the NFL combine.

- THE LOVE OF SPORTS ranks the Top 10 Overweight Baseball Players.

- DEADSPIN has the transcript of a Bill Simmons interview where he says that Rick Reilly will be on his podcast soon. The joy!

No corny jokes.

No stale pop culture references.

Just a touching story about a Montana kid whose father was a big John Elway fan.

I’ll give props when props are due…

Good column, Rick.

In an interview with Newsday.com, Rick Reilly discussed a number of different topics, including how he feels about sports blogs and his relationship with Bill Simmons.

“I don’t really go on the blogs, because they don’t really like anybody. Jesus could do a column and they’d be like, ‘What the hell is with the hair?’ It’ll always be something. Charles Barkley told me a long time ago always half the people are going to hate you and half the people are going to love you. If you suddenly change who you are, the other half will hate you. I don’t really care what people holding down couch springs do or say.”

I get it now. So since he has read some negative stuff on the blogs about his writing, bloggers must dislike everything. That makes perfect sense. Rick might want to consider that bloggers are just a subsection of his audience that actually has time to write about what they like and don’t like. Sure, there are blogs out there that just throw mud at everyone, but here at The Scores Report, there are writers we like and writers we don’t like.

He commented on his (outrageous) salary…

- Thanks to his public show of affection for Mary Jane, Michael Phelps was booted from his motivational speaking gig says SPORTSbyBROOKS.com.

- Now that the Colts have officially released receiver Marvin Harrison, Uncoached.com writes that he’ll always have a career as Wayne Brady’s stunt double.

- The guys from The Love of Sports details which NBA players need a new ‘do (as in hair).

- Awful Announcing has the lowdown on Charles Barkley heading to jail for 10 days because of a DUI charge.

- Tonyblogs.net want Rick Reilly off television and we couldn’t agree more.

Every issue of ESPN The Magazine ends the same way. I absolutely dread flipping to Rick Reilly’s back page column because it usually throws me into a state of depression. I can’t believe that ESPN is paying Reilly what they are when the guy can only produce a good, entertaining column once in a blue moon.

Reilly’s column for the Feb. 23 issue is no different. He starts off with a bad joke.

I’ve been fired more than pottery.

Ugh.

Hey, at least he didn’t shoehorn in some stale pop culture reference. I’ll give him that.

He then runs down his personal employment history, or at least those jobs that didn’t end well.

I was fired from my first job at 12. Some people apparently don’t want their tulips mowed. I was fired from my babysitting gig at 13. Who knew a diaper wouldn’t completely flush? Got fired as a machine/tool rental store assistant at 16. Thought the boss said, “Fifteen parts oil, one part gas in the jackhammers.” Turns out, it was the other way around. Pick-ee.

And how did I react whenever I got canned? Not well. Once, my pals and I egged the offending organization’s window front.

So he performs horribly at his job and reacts to getting fired by vandalizing his ex-employee’s place of business? Nice.

He then goes on about how coaches are too nice after they’ve been fired.

Regular readers know that there are times when Anthony Stalter and I get hammered for our opinions here at The Scores Report. And that’s fine. It’s the nature of the sports blog and online writing in general. But over at ESPN, there are two writers that are held above the fray — Bill Simmons and Rick Reilly. Want to comment on something Bill or Rick said? Tough luck.

This (justifiably) irks CBS SPiN columnist Cameron Martin, so he asked an ESPN spokesperson, Paul Melvin, why ESPN treats these two differently than any of its other writers.

At CBSSports.com and FoxSports.com, readers can comment directly on every article without exception. Consequently, writers like Gregg Doyel and Jason Whitlock cannot present a false image of universal public adoration.

At ESPN.com, readers can comment on every columnist except two — Bill Simmons and Rick Reilly, two front-page columnists. So, what makes these humps so special? I couldn’t think of a good reason, so I decided to ask Paul Melvin, ESPN spokesman. Here’s our e-mail exchange:

Me: “Paul, I had a question about ESPN columnists that I was going to address in my CBS column on Monday: Why can’t readers comment on Rick Reilly and Bill Simmons columns? And why is it only them? Is it to protect the idea that these two columnists are universally loved? Jemele Hill and DJ Gallo and Scoop Jackson and Gene W get hammered by some readers. Why isn’t that same courtesy extended to Bill and Rick? Seems disingenuous. Thanks, Cameron Martin.”

ESPN: “Cameron, Bill and Rick’s accessibility to fans has always been part of their style, and they both have developed long-standing practices of engaging their fans. Bill has a history of using his interaction with his readers as part of his voice and has, through the years, developed a regular, robust ‘mailbag’ style column that is a favorite of readers. Rick’s connection to the personal stories of people in all walks of life has helped give him his signature voice. With respect to those traditions, we’ve chosen to continue to present their interaction with readers through those avenues.”

(As non-answers go, that’s pretty good. Unfortunately I wasn’t looking for a non-answer.)

Me: “Paul, thanks for the reply. Quick follow-up: In this new era of change, transparency and accountability, isn’t it a bit antiquated and un-American to try to control feedback from the public? What if President Obama wanted to comment directly on one of Rick Reilly’s stories? Shouldn’t he be able to announce to the world, ‘Rick, you’re an inspiration to millions everywhere’?”

ESPN: “Hi Cameron. Appreciate the follow up, but I think our earlier comment is all we’re going to have to offer here. Paul Melvin.”

Got that, sports fans? If you want to tell me I suck, you can go to the bottom of this article. If you want to tell Rick Reilly he sucks, you can go to hell.

So there you have it, folks. ESPN has said all that it will on this matter, at least for now.

- SPORTSbyBROOKS has the story of how a hot high school athletic trainer, Hope Jacoby (right), had an affair with one of the students at the school. Is it just me, or is this happening more and more? (And there’s definitely a double standard based on the sex of the offender, right?)

- CUZOOGLE had a great idea — to take every team in the NBA and assign a picture of a woman to them based on their level of hotness. (Get it? The Lakers are hot, Wizards…not so much.) Hilarity ensues.

- Wondering why ESPN paid Rick Reilly all that money? Well, they might be too. They now have him writing a blog, GO FISH, which means we can get a taste of Reilly’s lame pop culture references on a more regular basis. Hooray!

- WITH LEATHER describes why NFL fans who play Madden are smarter than NFL fans who don’t.

- DEADSPIN has excerpts from Jay Mariotti’s bitchy interview with Real Clear Sports where he details why he left the Chicago Sun-Times.

- SPORTSbyBROOKS describes how the Minnesota Vikings are using the NFL-to-L.A. fantasy to convince their fans to build them a new stadium. Classy.

Regular readers might be familiar with my ongoing series, Correcting Bill Simmons. Now that I’m forcibly exposed to Rick Reilly’s back page column in ESPN The Mag, it’s time to start a new series with Reilly as the star.

This week, he wrote a somewhat touching piece about how Jay Cutler’s dealings with Type 1 diabetes has affected children all over the country. Reilly isn’t bad at the heart-warming stuff, but when he tries to be funny, he just comes off as stiff. Take this paragraph:

Shy and mop-haired, he led the league in shrugs. He looked like he had terminal influenza. The bags under his eyes had bags. And yet he’d sleep 10 hours at night and three more after practice. He lost 35 pounds in the 2007 season alone. He couldn’t concentrate. He was starting to look like the biggest bust since Lindsay Lohan. And that’s when he found out he had diabetes. Or rather, it had him.

All right, there are two problems here. The first is the statement that Cutler was a bust when he hit the league. I don’t know if Reilly is talking about Cutler’s first or second season, but he played pretty well even prior to getting diagnosed with diabetes. In 2006, he played in five games and threw for an average of 200 yards, 1.8 TD and 1.0 INT. In 2007, he played in all 16 games and finished with 3497 yards, 20 TD and 14 INT. What about these numbers says “bust”?

When I found out that a pre-diagnosed Cutler was still able to be a decent fantasy QB despite losing 35 pounds and much of his strength, I put him at the top of my sleeper QB list heading into 2008. Needless to say, that has paid off.

Then there’s the comparison to Lindsay Lohan.

He was starting to look like the biggest bust since Lindsay Lohan.

What does this mean? Is he saying that Lohan was a bust in that she was destined for big things but has since fallen from grace? Or is he saying that she has big knockers? If it’s the former, I don’t know how relevant it is to refer to actors as “busts.” They weren’t drafted in the first round and they weren’t given big contracts before playing in the big leagues. If it’s the latter – which is far less likely considering Reilly’s typically PG-rated fare – I could think of a dozen well-endowed starlets that would make for a better joke. (There’s Pamela Anderson, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Penelope Cruz, Salma Hayak, Jennifer Tilly, Catherine Bell, just to name a few.)

Then there’s this attempt at humor, referencing Cutler’s regular blood tests, which require him to prick his fingers over and over…

What Cutler wants to be is a normal QB, but he never will be. From now on, he’ll have more holes than a Jessica Simpson movie.

Really? More holes than a Jessica Simpson movie? Reilly can’t find another “actress” to kick around. Simpson hasn’t been in a major motion picture in two years (2006′s “Employee of the Month”), which I haven’t seen. She was in “Dukes of Hazzard” in 2005, but I don’t really remember it being filled with plot holes. (It was just a bad, bad movie.)

Maybe Reilly should take a shot at Kate Hudson, who has been in no fewer than six horrid romantic comedies in the last five years. I’m thinking of “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” “Alex & Emma,” “Raising Helen,” “You, Me & Dupree,” “Fool’s Gold” and “My Best Friend’s Girl.” If you’re a big-wig Hollywood studio exec and you’re about to greenlight a bad rom-com, Kate Hudson should be on speed dial.

This is just a case of Rick Reilly trying to be Bill Simmons. He thinks that if he shoehorns some pop culture reference in as a joke that it will make his stuff seem fresh and funny. But it just makes him look tired.

He should stick to the sappy, sentimental stuff. The world only has one Bill Simmons, and that’s plenty.