Whether it’s that reliever that always seems to blow tight games in late innings, that batter that leaves runners on the bases, or that starter that walks seven batters an inning, every team has at least one player that as a fan, you’d rather set your eyelids on fire than watch trot onto the field for just one more inning.

I’ve compiled a list of 10 infuriating, punch-a-hole-through-your-wall MLB players to watch. Granted, this list is by no means all-inclusive (and I implore you the reader to list the guys that drive you nuts in the comments section). But these are the 10 that seem to make my blood boil on a consistent basis, whether they’re playing for my favorite team or not.

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…Okay, so he won’t exactly be starving himself, but he did vow to dramatically cut his calorie intake.

A Chicago Cubs fan has vowed to eat only 500 calories a day until the team wins five games in a row.

Daniel Kamen, 53, of Buffalo Grove, Ill., said he plans to start his diet after the All-Star break in mid-July and continue until the Cubs either win five consecutive games or end their season for the year, the Chicago Sun-Times reported Wednesday.

“I’m going to motivate them,” he said. “I’m going to embarrass them into winning more games. They will see me get skinnier and skinnier, until maybe there’s nothing left of me.”
Kamen invited portly Cubs manager Lou Piniella to join his diet.

“It’s an official invitation,” Kamen said. “I’ll show him how to do it.”

This guy sticking to only 500 calories a day has as much chance as Milton Bradley hitting .300 by the end of the year. I give him two days before he’s hitting up the Wendy’s drive through and ordering a triple burger with fries and a frosty.

It’s safe to say that this past offseason has been one of the worst for Jim Hendry during his tenure as General Manager of the Chicago Cubs. The Los Angeles Dodgers made a mockery of the Cubs’ right-handed lineup in the playoffs by not throwing a single left-handed pitcher at them, and the Cubs responded to this glaring weakness by trading Mark DeRosa, the most versatile and well-liked player on the team – not to mention cheap, since he was in line to make an affordable $5.5 million in the final year of his contract – in order to free up some cash to sign a left-handed power hitter. For God knows what reason, Hendry doesn’t even make an attempt to sign Raul Ibanez, a clubhouse prince who is good for 25 home runs and 100 RBIs year in and year out. Nope, Hendry set his sights on Milton Bradley, a talented but mercurial journeyman (the Cubs are the eighth team he’s played for since his Major League debut in 2000) who just happened to put up career numbers in a contract year. The words “career numbers” sound good, but they come with one big-ass asterisk. Take a look at Bradley’s career year numbers versus the 2008 stat lines of DeRosa and Ibanez:

Raul Ibanez: .292-85-23-110-2
Mark DeRosa: .285-104-21-87-6
Milton Bradley .321-78-22-77-5

It’s a pretty average stat line as career numbers go, and don’t forget that he put up those numbers primarily as a DH, and he still only played 126 games due to nagging injuries. Yep, this is the man that the Cubs hoped would save them, to the tune of three years and $30 million. To add insult to injury, DeRosa now plays for the rival Cardinals.

“Let’s see, if I strike out like that 100 more times this year…I still make $7 million! Ahhhh hahahahahahaha!”

And would you look at that; now that Bradley has his money, he can’t hit water if he fell out of a boat. Well, let’s qualify that — he’s actually hitting .333…from the right side of the plate. He’s hitting .194 as a lefty, has been suspended for bumping an umpire, sent home by his manager after trashing yet another water cooler, and poisoned yet another clubhouse with his unpredictable temper. Bradley said before the season started that he had changed, that those days of flying off the handle (remember when he tore his ACL yelling at an umpire?) were long gone. How on earth did the Cubs believe him? Didn’t they see the “South Park” movie? Bad people always say they’ll change, but they never do.

So what do the Cubs do with Bradley now? He’s expected to take the next two days off to work on his approach from the left side of the plate with new hitting coach Von Joshua. A good start, but we have some other, admittedly extreme suggestions to the Bradley problem that we think the Cubs brass should consider.

Cubs’ manager Lou Piniella officially apologized to tantrum-throwing Milton Bradley, who decided to take out his frustration on a water cooler during a game on Friday night and was absolutely reamed out by his manager.

“I apologized for the last comment I made, told him he knows in the context I meant it,” Piniella said. “But I also told him that just can’t continue, to have shenanigans that we’ve put up with. I told him he’s going to hurt somebody, he’s going to hurt himself.”

Piniella ordered the mercurial slugger to go home Friday afternoon after Bradley threw his helmet and went after a water cooler following a fly out in the top of the sixth inning of the Cubs game against the crosstown rival White Sox.

“He didn’t really talk to me about it, he just kind of yelled at me in the dugout and told me to get out of there,” Bradley said Saturday before he talked with Piniella. “So I left. Then he continued to yell at me some more. I’ve got to take that.”

Bradley confirmed a report in the Chicago Sun-Times describing the expletive Piniella used.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what he said,” Bradley said. “But I’m not going to get into it.”

After going 1 for 5 as the Cubs lost to the White Sox, 8-7, Bradley said he had no problems or issues with Piniella, especially after their meeting before Saturday’s game.

“I got a ton of respect for Lou,” Bradley said. “When he says something, I really take heed and listen to it, not just the tone or the exact words but the sentiment behind it. I really think he had a heartfelt talk with me in his office, and I think we are both better for it.”

While we’re handing out apologizes, maybe Bradley should apologize to Lou, his teammates, and Cubs fans for not knowing how many outs there are in an inning and for barely being able to keep his batting average above .235 this season. And maybe Jim Hendry should apologize to the fans for trading Mark DeRosa away in the offseason for a couple of expired White Castle coupons and a $5 gift certificate to Best Buy. (And then promptly signing Bradley to fill the void left by DeRosa.)

The Cubs are a mess right now.

Lou Piniella has had about all he can take of outfielder Milton Bradley.

Piniella told the mercurial slugger to go home Friday afternoon after Bradley threw his helmet and went after a water cooler following a fly out in the top of the sixth inning of the Cubs game against the crosstown rival White Sox. Piniella told him to take his uniform off, and the two exchanged words in the tunnel leading up to the Cubs clubhouse.

“I don’t like those things to happen, but I’m just tired of watching it,” an agitated Piniella said after the Cubs’ 5-4 victory. “This has been a common occurrence, and I’ve looked the other way a lot and I’m tired. I’m not into discipline, I’m really not. I’m going to put his name in the lineup tomorrow and that’s it.”

Piniella didn’t get specific about whether he was tired of Bradley’s antics in particular or those of his entire team. Pitchers Carlos Zambrano and Ryan Dempster both went after the drink dispenser in the Cubs dugout at Wrigley Field earlier this season.

But Bradley, playing for his seventh team in nine-plus seasons, does have a long history of being volatile.

“It’s something I promise you won’t be happening again,” Cubs general manager Jim Hendry said.

Bradley has already been suspended for one game this season after arguing with umpire Larry Vanover when he was called out on strikes with the bases loaded April 16. It was his very first at-bat at Wrigley Field after signing a $30 million contract during the offseason. The umpire crew contended Bradley’s hat made slight contact with Vanover.

It would be one thing if Bradley were hitting and he was being a nuisance, but he’s batting just .237 this season with five dingers, 16 RBI and 24 runs. He was supposed to be one of the missing pieces to a Cubs’ lineup that should be thriving right now, but instead has been DOA.

It’ll be interesting to see if the Cubs just don’t cut bait and move on. Bradley hardly seems worth the trouble at this point. Then again, maybe Lou just needed to make an example of somebody and Bradley offered the perfect opportunity. This could be a situation that just blows over in a couple of days.

According to a report by the Chicago Tribune, the Cubs sent a scout to watch Pedro Martinez work out in the Dominican Republic and are considering signing the veteran right-hander to add to their rotation. Apparently the Rays are another team that has shown interest in Martinez.

Unless Martinez can hit with runners in scoring position, I don’t see how he could have an immediate impact for the Cubs. Starting pitching isn’t the problem right now for Chicago – offense is. And while adding another arm to a rotation that features the oft-injured Rich Harden isn’t a bad idea, I’m a little surprised the Cubs aren’t popping up in more trade rumors involving bats.

Right now the Cubs are either in denial about their offensive woes or they’re just being extremely patient. Aramis Ramirez (shoulder) should come off the DL soon, which will certainly help, but if the club is simply holding out for players like Alfonso Soriano and Geovany Soto to catch fire, then they could be waiting awhile. (It would be nice if Milton Bradley resembled a baseball player once in awhile, too.)

There are worse ideas than the Cubs adding a healthy Martinez to their starting rotation. But I wonder if this is just the club’s way of trying to appease the fans after failing to trade for Jake Peavy and not an attempt to turn things around. Because if the Cubs were really trying to address needs, then they’d be concentrating on adding bats right now – not arms.

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Offseason Movement: The Cubs were seemingly hosed by the Indians in a trade that sent ultra-utility player Mark DeRosa to Cleveland in exchange for minor league pitching prospects Jeff Stevens, Chris Archer and John Gaub, none of which were viewed as top 10 prospects in the Tribe’s organization. But maybe one of those youngsters will emerge as a quality arm down the road and DeRosa’s contract does expire at the end of the season so at least the Cubs got something for him. Chicago also added volatile outfielder Milton Bradley, reliever Kevin Gregg and pitcher Aaron Heilman, who will move to the bullpen after losing out to Sean Marshall this spring for the Cubs’ fifth spot in the rotation.

Top Prospect: Josh Vitters, 3B
This club is loaded with quality prospects, including reliever Jeff Samardzija, shortstop Ryan Flaherty and outfielder Tyler Colvin. But Vitters appears to be the best of group, with his excellent plate approach, outstanding hand-eye coordination and natural swing. Thus far in Single-A, Vitters is hitting .357 and slugging .529 in 70 at bats. At only 19, he still has a ways to go before he’ll make his big league debut, but Vitters appears to have quite a future ahead of him.

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I know that I’ve been clamoring for some action in the MLB Hot Stove League for weeks, even months. But please, I can’t keep up with the floodgates these last few days. Well, here are the highlights (i.e., the bigger names), and you can bet much more will happen in the coming weeks as we get closer to spring training:

First off, two long-time players for a single team will have new addresses in 2009: Trevor Hoffman and John Smoltz. Hoffman, who has been with the Padres since 1993 when he came over as part of a trade with the Marlins for Gary Sheffield, has not only been a great closer for San Diego for 16 seasons—he has become the all-time MLB leader in saves with 554. But when San Diego no longer put the welcome mat out, Hoffman sought to sign elsewhere, and settled on a one year, $6 million deal with the Milwaukee Brewers that can also pay him $1.5 million in performance bonuses.

As for Smoltz, he came to the Braves in 1987 from Detroit in the Doyle Alexander trade, and has been with Atlanta, his only major league team, for 21 years. But the Braves, who are trying to inject more youth into their roster, did not offer Smoltz the money he was looking for and so he signed with the Boston Red Sox. Granted, Smoltz still is injured and probably won’t be available to the Sox until a few months into the season, but you’d rather have him in September and beyond anyway.

The Sox also finalized their deal with free agent RHP Brad Penny on Friday, so both he and Smoltz will join a rotation that includes Josh Beckett, Jon Lester and Daisuke Matsuzaka. Whoa. I gotta be honest, I think I like their rotation better than the CC Sabathia and AJ Burnett-led Yankees’. Not to sit tight after losing out on the Mark Teixeira sweepstakes to the Yankees, Boston also signed utility outfielder Rocco Baldelli, formerly of the Rays, who grew up in New England.

The Cubs signed outfielder Milton Bradley to a 3-year, $30 million deal, a year after he had one of his most productive seasons with the Texas Rangers (22 homers, .321 batting average). The Rays, who nearly won a title with all that youth in 2008, signed veteran OF Pat Burrell away from Philly, the team that beat them for said title.

Also, Jason Giambi has returned to his roots, signing a one-year. $5.25 million deal with Oakland, the team he began his career with before taking his big bat (and his tubes of stuff, allegedly) for big bucks.

Oh, and as if the Mets and Braves didn’t have enough to battle about on the field (I bet New York is thrilled not to have to face Smoltz anymore), the two teams are reportedly fighting hard over the services of one Derek Lowe. Then, whoever loses out on Lowe can turn their attention to the likes of Ben Sheets, Freddy Garcia or Andy Pettitte.

I know the economy still sucks, but at least we have some signings and movement.

The Chicago Cubs signed outfielder Milton Bradley to a three-year, $30 million contract.

The deal is pending a physical.

In an effort to free up some salary for Bradley, the Cubs are expected on Tuesday to finalize a deal to send Jason Marquis to the Colorado Rockies in exchange for reliever Luis Vizcaino, MLB.com reported Monday.

Adding Bradley was one of the top priorities this offseason for the Cubs, who got swept out of the playoffs for the second straight year after a lineup loaded with right-handers struggled against the Los Angeles Dodgers.

A switch-hitter, Bradley batted .321 with 22 homers for the Texas Rangers while leading the American League with a .436 on-base percentage. He made the All-Star team while serving primarily as the designated hitter.

In Chicago, he’ll fill the Cubs’ need for a left-handed bat in the middle of the order and will be used mostly in right field even though he has played 100 games in the field just once — in 2004 with the Dodgers. The Cubs will likely spell him with Kosuke Fukudome, who will also platoon with Reed Johnson in center. Fukudome was in right field last season.

Over/under on days before Bradley and Carlos Zambrano start throwing punches at each other: 120.