Reason #409 why I love The Onion…

Fatal Staples Center Collapse Brings Merciful Early End To Clippers Game

This year, we’re doing a division-by-division preview with quick-hitting analysis for every team in the league. If a franchise is a legitimate championship contender, I’ll focus on what stars have to line up for a title run. If a team is a playoff “also-ran,” I’ll identify the weaknesses that have to be shored up via trade, free agency or draft over the next couple of seasons to make it a contender. If a team is likely to miss the playoffs, I’ll take a look at the salary cap, and provide a blueprint for how the team should proceed in the near future to get back in the postseason. At the end of each divisional preview, I’ll provide some (random) thoughts for the fantasy hoopsters out there.

For each division, I’ll pick the order of finish. You’ll also see the team’s league-wide preseason rank in parenthesis. Be sure to check back over the course of the next couple of weeks for previews of each division.

Los Angeles Lakers (1)
The biggest obstacle for the Lakers this season is Ron Artest. This may sound odd, but the franchise is rolling the dice that Ron-Ron can behave for another season. They gave up on the quietly improving Trevor Ariza and made a big move to add the unruly Artest to the roster. This is risky, especially for a team coming off an impressive title run. Why fiddle with your chemistry like that? Well, GM Mitch Kupchak is well aware that the Lakers aren’t getting by on chemistry. They are a group of very talented players, held together loosely by Phil Jackson’s thoughtful approach and Kobe Bryant’s will to win. In other words, chemistry may not matter to the Lakers, because it’s a by-product of winning. (For most teams, it’s the other way around.) There’s no doubt that Artest brings a lot to the table, but he’s the biggest change from last season, so if the Lakers take a step back, he’ll probably get the blame. Meanwhile, it appears that the big lineup question surrounds the Lamar Odom/Andrew Bynum quandary, but the truth is that Bynum’s game has not developed enough to demand that he be on the floor in crunch time. Odom can shoot (albeit, only a little) and is a terrific ball handler/passer, so Jackson knows that he can better space the court than Bynum can. When both Bynum and Pau Gasol are on the floor, the lane gets clogged and Kobe can’t find driving lanes, so look for Odom to get the edge in minutes again this year. But back to Artest — assuming he accepts a reduction in his offensive role, the Lakers are the odds-on favorites to once again represent the West in the Finals.

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Carlos Boozer wants to play in Miami.

The two-time NBA All-Star said Monday that he and the Jazz have “mutually agreed” to a trade, and it would be “a beautiful thing” if he wound up reunited with Olympic teammate Dwyane Wade on the Heat.

“We first came here for tax reasons and fell in love with it,” Boozer said, taking a break from his campers. “We love the palm trees, the laid-back attitude, the sun, quality of life. It’s like paradise here, and I would love to be part of the Heat. They’re a very good team, and I’m real close to some of the guys. Dwyane and I started to get close at the Athens Olympics in 2004, and I’d love to play on his team. Plus, I already live here. I’m just waiting to see what happens.”

The Heat have a few trade chips, but when considering Boozer, who is in the final year of his contract, the Jazz aren’t going to want to take only expiring salaries in a trade. They might as well keep him for the year and hope they can make some noise in the playoffs.

Udonis Haslem is a good player, but he’s in the final year of his deal. Would Miami be willing to part with Michael Beasley? Would Jerry Sloan even want him? Miami may need to get a third team involved to facilitate this deal.

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The NBA offseason is by no means over, but the lion’s share is behind us, so it’s a good time to take a look back at a few of the…um…let’s say “questionable” decisions of the summer. Here are my Top 10, in no particular order. Feel free to add to the list if I missed something.

1. Trevor Ariza plays spiteful hardball…and loses.
Let’s get this straight — the Lakers offered Ariza the same deal he was getting on the open market, and he refused since the Lakers could have offered more, but didn’t? Um, okay. David Lee (the agent, not the Knicks forward) says that Ariza wanted to go somewhere where he’d be “appreciated.” Lee overestimated the market for his client, and the Lakers quickly moved on to acquire Ron Artest. Now instead of playing for the world champs, Ariza is stuck in Houston on a team that faces a very uncertain future. Lee now says that Ariza turned down a deal worth $9 million more, but still picked Houston. It sounds to me like he’s just trying to save face.

2. Grizzlies acquire Zach Randolph.
Once the Clippers traded for Randolph (and his toxic contract) last season, I thought the bar for NBA general managers had hit a new low thanks to Mike Dunleavy and his wily ways. But Dunleavy proved that he wasn’t the dumbest GM in the league when he convinced the Memphis Grizzlies to take on the final two years Randolph’s contract at the tune of $33.3 million. Remember that $25 million or so of cap space that the Grizzlies were going to have next summer? Yeah, that’s down to about $8 million with this brilliant move. Just when it looked like Chris Wallace was going to rehab his image after the Pau Gasol trade — Marc Gasol panning out, trading for O.J. Mayo — he goes and does this. Sigh.

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Donald Sterling must have read my post from last week, as he finally OK’ed the deal to send Zach Randolph to Memphis.

Zach Randolph was packaged for delivery to Memphis on Wednesday when the teams agreed to a deal that will bring back former Clipper Quentin Richardson, and open a starting spot for rookie Blake Griffin.

In a surprise, the Clippers didn’t do it to dump salary. Owner Donald T. Sterling actually resisted the move when a similar deal with Memphis came up on draft day, saying he wanted to do it only if it was a “basketball decision.”

When his people said it was a basketball decision, the deal was resurrected.

Nevertheless, with Randolph under contract for two more seasons at $33 million, and Richardson on the last year of his deal at $8.7 million, it will impact their bottom line, and, with their payroll now far below the salary cap after this season, can make them a major player in the big 2010 free-agent class.

With the move the Clippers’ projected payroll for the 2010 season is only about $32 million (plus whatever they have to pay Blake Griffin), so the franchise will be able to join the free agent frenzy of 2010.

I honestly don’t know what the Grizzlies are thinking. It’s not like Randolph has shown any signs in the last few years of being a piece to the championship puzzle.

Two sources told the Commercial Appeal that the Clippers were thisclose to unloading Zach Randolph and his ridiculous contract.

The Grizzlies had agreed in principle to acquire power forward Zach Randolph on Thursday night but Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling later nixed the trade, according to two NBA sources.

During the NBA Draft, executives from both teams hammered out a package with Randolph and Darko Milicic as the key pieces. Griz guard Greg Buckner would also have been included in the transaction.

I have no idea why the Grizzlies would want to trade for Randolph, but if this report is true, it is mind boggling. He has two years and $33.3 million remaining on his deal, which is widely regarded as one of the worst contracts in the league. Had the Clippers made the trade, they would have saved at least $5 million this season and $13 million in 2010, giving the team around $17 million in cap space heading into the fabled free agency summer of 2010. The numbers might be a bit higher depending on how much of Buckner’s contract is guaranteed.

Why keep Randolph? Sure, he’s more talented offensive player than Darko Milicic, but the Clippers just drafted Blake Griffin, who is ready to play now. Why keep another power forward on the roster who has a reputation for being a malcontent? If I’m running the Clippers, I’d consider buying Randolph out just to keep him away from my star rookie. Griffin needs to develop in the right environment if the franchise hopes to turn their fortunes around anytime soon. This is paramount. Moreover, the team isn’t going to win with the lineup it has now, so the best idea is to get as much salary cap flexibility as soon as possible.

This is a serious head-scratcher.

Truthfully, Blake Griffin would be a great fit just about anywhere, but the Los Angeles Clippers can really use him. He’s athletic, has an improving offensive game and can really rebound. He has the potential to be a franchise power forward.

When the Clippers signed Baron Davis to a fat contract last summer, things we’re looking up for a franchise that only had one winning season in the last 185 years. But the Baron Davis/Elton Brand marriage was not to be when the latter signed his own fat contract with the Philadelphia 76ers. The Clippers (a.k.a. GM/coach Mike Dunleavy) overreacted by trading for Zach Randolph, and they would be so much better off right now had they showed some restraint.

Had the Clippers held onto Cuttino Mobley and Tim Thomas, they would have an additional $17.3 million in cap space (for a total of $27-$28 M) heading into the summer of 2010. With that much cap space and a core of Griffin, Davis, Kaman, Eric Gordon and Al Thornton, the Clippers would have really been in business. They wouldn’t have been able to woo LeBron or Wade, but Bosh or Stoudemire would be possibilities, as would Joe Johnson. Now they are locked into Randolph for two more years at the tune of $33.3 million and won’t have the cap space next summer to sign a star.

Obviously, landing the right to draft Griffin last night was huge for this franchise. Now they just need to can Dunleavy and find someone who knows what they’re doing. Honestly, he should have been fired on the spot when he suggested the team trade for Randolph.

It’s going to take a while for the Clippers to turn things around, but with a young core of Griffin and Gordon, the potential is there. Last night was a big step in the right direction, though don’t underestimate Dunleavy’s ability to screw things up.

Last night, you got a taste of madness…March Madness, as Connecticut/Syracuse played a 6-OT historic Big East quarterfinal game that seemed like it would never end. The player’s performances in this contest sum up why we love this time of the year in college basketball. You watch teams that will fight tooth and nail just to compete for another day. Neither team will receive a special trophy for last night’s game. No, Syracuse gets the opportunity to play West Virginia in a semifinal matchup this evening. Enjoy your hoop du jour.

All times ET…

NBA
Friday, 7:30 PM: Indiana Pacers @Atlanta Hawks (NBA TV)
Saturday, 9 PM: Los Angeles Clippers @ Denver Nuggets (NBA TV)
Sunday, 3:30 PM: Dallas Mavericks @ Los Angeles Lakers (ABC)
Sunday, 9 PM: Phoenix Suns @ Golden State Warriors (NBA TV)

NHL
Saturday, 3 PM: Ottawa Senators @ Pittsburgh Penguins (CBC)
Sunday, 12:30 PM: Philadelphia Flyers@ New York Rangers (NBC)

College Basketball
Friday, 7 PM: #13 Villanova vs. #5 Louisville (ESPN)
Friday, 7 PM: Maryland vs. #9 Wake Forest (ESPN2)
Friday, 9 PM: #23 Arizona State vs. #20 Washington (Fox Sports Net)
Friday, 9:30 PM: Boston College vs. #8 Duke (ESPN2)
Friday, 9:30 PM: #7 West Virginia vs. #20 Syracuse (ESPN)
Friday, 11:30 PM: USC vs. #14 UCLA (Fox Sports Net)
Saturday, 1:30 PM & 4 PM: ACC Semifinals (ESPN)
Saturday, 1 PM & 3:15 PM: SEC Semifinals (ESPN2)
Saturday, 1:40 PM & 4 PM: Big-10 Semifinals (CBS)
Saturday, 6 PM: Pac-10 Final (CBS)
Saturday, 6 PM: Big 12 Final (ESPN)
Saturday, 9 PM: Big East Final (ESPN)
Sunday, 1 PM: ACC Final (ESPN)
Sunday, 1 PM: SEC Final (CBS)
Sunday, 3:30 PM: Big-10 Final (CBS)
Sunday, 6 PM: NCAA Tournament Selection Show (CBS)

World Baseball Classic
Saturday, 8 PM: Puerto Rico vs. United States from Miami, FL. (MLB Network)

As much as Bill Simmons dislikes Mike Dunleavy, Sr. as a coach and general manager, you’d think he’d avoid sponsoring him in any way. But after a reader suggested that he sponsor Dunleavy’s Basketball Reference page, Simmons couldn’t resist.

SG: Done and done. What’s sad is I spent a solid 45 minutes crafting the right testimonial before finally settling on what I wrote. Any time you can spend 10 bucks to sponsor the Undertaker, you have to do it.

Hilarious.

In Bill Simmons’ column, “The Day They Didn’t Call It a Day,” Baron Davis discusses what went wrong with the anticipated Davis-Brand combo in L.A.

Baron agreed to terms on July 1, but it wasn’t long before local excitement faded. Whispers soon began about reigning star Elton Brand’s maybe jumping ship. Since Brand had just spent all of June recruiting him, Baron was flabbergasted. “Elton basically begged me to come,” Baron says. “He kept saying, ‘We can do great things!’ And I was with it.”

And Elton’s your friend, right?

“Was a friend,” Baron says. Past tense. Elton ignored Davis’ “What’s going on?” texts for three days, finally responding to say his own negotiations had broken down because the Clippers “didn’t treat him right.” Brand soon landed in Philly. Baron called to wish him well, but they haven’t talked since. When the Clippers played Philly in November, the ex-friends didn’t even make eye contact. “It is what it is,” Baron says.

I was stunned when Brand failed to re-up with the Clippers after they signed Davis. At the time, Brand acted like there was no promise or understanding between the two players, but these quotes from Davis dispel that notion.

Isn’t it fitting that Brand’s first season in Philly has been an absolute disaster?