Q: Today is Saturday, aka College Football Day. I am pretty sure I have heard the word “arguably” said at least 15 times on the studio show I am watching. By them saying “Florida is ARGUABLY the best team in college football,” are they actually making an argument?
– Josh, Wilmington, Del.
SG: This is the cousin of the “having said that” argument Seinfeld and Larry David had on the “Curb Your Enthusiasm” season finale. Either you think Florida is the best team in college football or you don’t. By declaring the Gators are “arguably” the best, all you’re really saying is that someone could argue they are the best — which makes no sense, because anyone could argue anything and that doesn’t have to mean it’s true. If I said Dirk Nowitzki was “arguably” washed up, you would argue, “Wait a second — he’s been great this year; that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.” And we would be arguing. In other words, you just proved my point. So “arguably” is a word that means nothing other than, “I don’t really believe this, but I’m throwing it out anyway.”
(Having said that, I have tried that trick in a sports column arguably more times than anyone.)
“…anyone could argue anything and that doesn’t have to mean it’s true.”
While we’re at it, people need to stop saying that a player is “one of the better ________ in the league.” All that’s saying is that the player is in the top half, and that isn’t saying much of anything. I was once watching a Packer game and the analyst said that Green Bay’s kick returner was one of the better return men in the NFC. That’s even worse, because he made a point to limit his statement to the National Football Conference. Give me a break. Either say that they’re “one of the best” or that they’re good, or great, or whatever. Stop saying that they’re “one of the better” because that’s not saying anything at all. Thank you.
- SPORTSBYBROOKS tells us that the Denver Nuggets are only going to have cheerleaders at the weekend games. Don’t worry, fellas, Bouncing Bridget is safe. She’s part of the Denver Nuggets Dancers — a completely different thing.
- AWFUL ANNOUNCING has the leaked Wonderlic scores from the NFL combine.
- AWFUL ANNOUNCING has video of Digger Phelps doing some awful dancing before the UCLA/Cal game.
- DEADSPIN has the story of a 36-year-old Pennsylvania man (with a 17-year-old son) who hosted a high school party complete with cheerleaders, booze and a stripper poll. This is what happens when you knock someone up at the age of 19.
- BACK PORCH (FANHOUSE) has video of Va. Tech Hokie fans chanting TEA-BAG-PAUL-US while Duke guard Greg Paulus was at the free throw line. I watched the game and thought they were chanting BEAT-GREG-PAUL-US, but what they come up with was a lot better.
- In light of the news/rumor that he won’t return to ESPN next season, AWFUL ANNOUNCING pays respect to Emmitt Smith by listing his top 10 “Emmittisms.” Good stuff.
- SPORTSBYBROOKS has photos of Lance Armstrong fending off “Syringe Man” at the Tour of California cycling race.
- CHRIS COOLEY describes having to fend off overzealous fans during his night out with Alexander Ovechkin at a UWC fight.
- DEADSPIN chimes in on Jim Calhoun’s run-in [video] with a freelance journalists/rabble rouser. Calhoun was right, but he was condescending about it.
- I defy you to watch this touching story about a high school basketball game in Wisconsin without getting misty eyed…
Devil Ball Golf has the story of golf announcer Andrew Magee and his…um…unfortunate decision last weekend.
Now, the FBR Open is, as we discussed in this space a week or so ago, an insane booze party frequently interrupted with golf. And at such parties, it’s likely that someone may choose to wear a t-shirt that’s perhaps a little inappropriate. But repeating what that shirt says … not such a bright idea.
Magee, wandering the course for The Golf Channel, told fellow analyst Gary McCord that he’d just seen a guy wearing a t-shirt that said, “I got kicked out of the Boy Scouts for eating a Brownie.” I sincerely hope we don’t need to explain to you why some people might find that offensive. (Aside: why do we assume it’s a sexually suggestive remark? Could be about cannibalism, not that that’s any better.)
Anyway, McCord wisely kept his mouth shut, and several agonizing seconds of dead air followed Magee’s remark, during which Magee surely wished he could disappear into his own navel. Magee has been “disciplined” but apparently not suspended.
