- SPORTSbyBROOKS says the “Zen Master” Phil Jackson is returning to the Lakers full-time after mulling over the idea of either only coaching home games or retiring.
- DEADSPIN has word that loudmouth Jay Mariotti is going to hop back into the newspaper world (after bashing it to join the blogosphere last year) again by joining the Chicago Tribune after his no-compete clause is up in August.
- SONS OF STEVE GARVEY wrote an ode to Manny Ramirez as he’s set to return to action tonight after serving his 50-game suspension.
- YARDBARKER has this shocker: Apparently Stephon Marbury wants more money.
- TONY BLOGS.NET wants to know if anyone else thinks that PETA will get involved after thousands of bees were killed after a swarm of them managed to engulf PETCO Park during yesterday’s Astros-Padres game.
PYLE OF LIST put together a creative piece dedicated to baseball movie characters that probably took performance-enhancing drugs in order to be successful on the big screen diamond. Some of the names on this list are startling, yet can we really be surprised that Dottie Henson of the Peaches was probably on the juice?
Kelly Leak (Jakie Earl Hayley) - Bad News Bears
The first name hurts the most of all. Our very own Hall of Famer, a dirty rotten cheat. Although, in hindsight, we really should have seen this one coming. I mean, smoking cigarettes at the field, riding a dirt bike underage, betting girls for dates at air hockey. Clearly this was a player with no regard for anyone’s rules but his own.
Dottie Henson (Geena Davis) - A League of their Own
Dominant hitter for short period of time (one season). A foot taller than all others in the league. Manager asking if she needs a cup (remember, he was in that locker room, he saw what all that testosterone was doing to her). No brainer.
Roy Hobbs (Robert Redford) - The Natural
We’ve seen this story before: an aging player suddenly turning in the best performance of his career well past his prime. Sure, being a gunshot victim had a great deal to do with his inactivity but the numbers are a little fishy. It’s highly unlikely that an old, undersized slugger could hit with that kind of power consistently after a lengthy lay-off, even with “Wonderboy” and his God-given ability to mash. Perhaps he was the Grandfather of the Steroid era.
Henry Rowengartner (Thomas Ian Nichols) - Rookie of the Year
You know what, call me paranoid but I’m no longer buying his doctor’s “tendons healed too tight” story any more. A twelve year old who sucks at little league one day, visits the doc and before you know it is closing for the Cubs… yeah, it must be the tendons…
Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn (Charlie Sheen) - Major League
Lord knows Ricky Vaughn would do anything to gain an advantage, so steroids certainly wouldn’t be out of the question, particularly in the era in which he played. In many ways, he’s kinda like the lost Giambi brother… and we know what they did to break in to baseball. While most of his initial issues had to do with his vision, I’m sure a few PEDs wouldn’t hurt his vision, velocity or recovery time. Think Eric Gagne without the goatee.
Great list – love the Giambi brother reference to “Wild Thing.”
The only addition I would make to the list is the entire team from “Angels in the Outfield.” Angels helping a team win? Please – every player on that team was as high as a kite and on various forms of drugs. One week they’re the laughing stock of the league and the next they’re flying around the field? Give me a break – I’d love to see the test results from that club.
- SPORTSbyBROOKS has the “greatest story ever told,” which features Michael Irvin in a strip club. Don’t get your hopes up, it’s actually not that great, but it does feature Michael Irvin in a strip club.
- THE BIG LEAD discusses why “Moneyball” (the movie) is now dead.
- EPIC CARNIVAL lists the top 10 most entertaining NBA players of all time.
- PACMAN JONESIN’ says that Kate Hudson might be to blame for A-Rod’s “fatigue.”
- DEADSPIN has the story of a drunk golfer who was pulled over on a highway driving a golf cart.
- DEADSPIN has video of a very bitter Artie Lange crapping all over Joe Buck on the debut of his new show on HBO. (Side note: I love Paul Rudd.) (Side note #2: Talk show hosts are supposed to be self-deprecating and/or funny. Joe Buck is neither.) AWFUL ANNOUNCING has some follow up on the exchange, while THE BIG LEAD wonders if Lange hadn’t appeared on the show, would there be any buzz?
- BRANDON MARSHALL clears the air on his blog. He’s leaving Denver.
- YARDBARKER notes that it wasn’t the T-Wolves that broke the news about Kevin McHale’s departure. It was Kevin Love, via Twitter.
- Click over to SPORTSbyBROOKS for the most misleading post headline I’ve ever seen. Read the post and then try to remember what it was supposed to be about. Those who make it to the end will be treated to a shot of Pam Oliver’s badonkadonk.
- SPORTSbyBROOKS has the video from Dwyane Wade’s late night appearance where he plays a prank on an unsuspecting fan.
- DEADSPIN has the story of the giant douche bag who tied up his girlfriend’s kids in the garage so he could hit the bar to watch the game.
- HUGGING HAROLD REYNOLDS was name-checked in John Gonzalez’s column about the Raul Ibanez steroid speculation, and the blog chimes in with its take. For Anthony Stalter’s measured take, click here.
- If you’re wondering what happened to Stephen A. Smith, he is doing a podcast on his website and AWFUL ANNOUNCING has it in YouTube form. He is in classic SAS form as he discusses Brett Favre.
- NO GUTS NO GLORY has quotes from Alonzo Mourning where he says that Phil Jackson isn’t really the coach of the 2009 Los Angeles Lakers.
This pretty much sums up the Magic’s performance in the final minute of regulation of Game 4. Keep an eye on the blonde standing up behind Mark Jackson.
- Ever wonder what’s going on with those bags under Jeff Van Gundy’s eyes. The fine folks at COLLEGE HUMOR did, and they made a video about it.
- INSIDE HOOPS reports that the Kings have hired Paul Westphal after a failed courtship with Kurt Rambis.
- SPORTSbyBROOKS has photos of Bob Huggins with two black eyes. WTF?
- DEADSPIN quotes from UCLA QB Chris Forcier’s press release in which he announces that he is transferring to Furman. Fact: It’s pretty weird for a press release.
Back in the good ol’ days, athletes used to speak their mind when someone put a microphone in front of them. Players would get into trouble for the things they said, so as time goes on, they’ve become more and more careful about not offending anyone. Some guys even hire publicists to teach them how to interact with the media. This has led to virtually all player/reporter interactions to be completely sanitized of any possibly controversial material.
As a former college player, I’ve been interviewed by a few reporters in my day, and watching one of the best (Wisconsin coach Bo Ryan), I learned how to sound like I was saying something when I was actually saying nothing. I did it out of pure fear — I didn’t want Bo waking up the next day to see that his small forward had said something stupid or controversial to a reporter.
While listening to LeBron’s first post-playoff interview the other day [video], it occurred to me that he was talking a lot, but wasn’t actually saying much of anything. There were a lot of platitudes — he needed to get better over the summer, that he loves playing in Cleveland, etc. — but the interview was seemingly absent of honest opinion or revelation.
So here is LeBron’s transcribed interview, along with my translation of what he really said when he wasn’t saying anything…
- SPORTSbyBROOKS laments the news that the Cuervo Girls will no longer be working AVP events. Jose Cuervo is being replaced as a sponsor by Malibu Rum who have a stable of the not-quite-as-attractive Malibu Rum girls.
- DEADSPIN has a photo and a story about how Bill Self doesn’t like to be photographed at bars.
- BALL DON’T LIE goes behind the box score to reveal why the Lakers dominated Game 1 of the Finals.
- BLACK SPORTS ONLINE says that it’s time to jump off the “hate Kobe” bandwagon. I say that’s going to be tough to do if he keeps making this face. Seriously, Kobe. Just stop already.
LOS ANGELES—Upon returning to his apartment fresh off advancing to the NBA Finals, Kobe Bryant Puppet discovered his roommate and rival, Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James Puppet, lying dead in their bathtub. Los Angeles police officials stated there was no evidence of foul play, as the deep lacerations on James’ felt wrists appeared to be self-inflicted…
Bill Simmons previews the Finals by taking fake questions from well-known people. Here’s a sample:
Q: Let’s say I pull this off and we win a title. Does that push me past Oscar and Jerry and make me the third-greatest guard ever?
– K. Bryant, Los Angeles
SG: Yes. Absolutely. No question. Just know that your title window is closing because of your odometer — more than 1,100 games in 13 seasons and 203 games (not including the 2009 Finals) over the last 19 months alone — and a group of contenders that will be better next season with Garnett and Ginobili back, Portland and Chicago possibly making a leap, and Cleveland undoubtedly getting LeBron more help. You will never have a better chance at another ring than you do this month. And if you get it, your place in history is secure.
Let’s say you don’t get it. Let’s say Orlando continues to ride the “Nobody believed in us!!!!” wave and topples your Lakers for its first title. Let’s say the matchup troubles from the regular season (both Orlando wins) translate to the postseason just like they did in the Cleveland-Orlando series. That would mean the following things:
A. You never won a title when you were the best guy on your own team. An indisputable fact.
B. You lost not one, not two, but THREE Finals in which you were the best player on a favored team heading into the series: 2004 (versus Detroit), 2008 (versus Boston) and 2009 (versus Orlando). You played poorly by your standards in 2004 (23-4-3, 38 percent FG, 17 percent 3-point FG) and 2009 (26-5-5, 40.5 percent FG, 32 percent 3-point FG, 4.7 TOs); in deciding games those years, your team lost by 13 points and 39 points. If history repeats itself in 2009, you won’t be able to recover historically. You’ll be the guy who needed to ride Shaq’s coattails to win a title, and that’s that.
Honestly, this is one of the reasons I love basketball so much. Kevin Garnett’s career was altered by the 2008 Finals in a good way. Karl Malone’s career was altered in the 1997 and 1998 Finals in a bad way. Walt Frazier’s career was altered in the 1970 Finals in a good way. Clyde Drexler’s career was altered by the 1992 Finals in a bad way. You can come up with 25 superstars like that. A “fork in the road” moment, if you will. For Kobe, we’re here. Officially.
That pretty much sums up Kobe’s situation, though I’m not sure that a Finals loss would send him into a tailspin that he couldn’t recover from. The Lakers will be good again next year.
- SPORTSbyBROOKS has photos of a pregnant Royals fan drinking a little brew at the game. So sad. The site also finds it funny that Jay Mariotti lectured LeBron on good sportsmanship.
- SPORTSbyBROOKS details the budding feud between Fran Tarkenton and Marcellus Wiley over what Tarkenton said about Brett Favre.
- As a caucasian baller myself, I could be offended by the tribute that WITH LEATHER posted, but I’m not. It was funny, especially the part about Dirk.
- DEADSPIN has video of some of the cooler kids in the Scripps National Spelling Bee, including one little dude who likes cookies more than Erin Andrews.
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