A mock conversation between Brett Favre and Brad Childress

EDEN PRAIRIE, MN - AUGUST 18:  Minnesota Vikings Head Coach Brad Childress (L) walks with Brett Favre #4 after finishing  a passing drill during a Minnesota Vikings practice session on August 18, 2009 at Winter Park in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. Favre has reportedly agreed to play for the Vikings, a reversal of his announced retirement.  (Photo by Scott A. Schneider/Getty Images)

Since the news of his (latest) possible retirement broke, the one thing that keeps popping into my head is what the conversation would have sounded like between Brett Favre and Brad Childress if Brett had ensured Childress that he was coming back this season but wanted to string the media along.

(When reading the Childress parts, think of a cross between a really excited Will Ferrell and Butters from “South Park.”)

“Hey Brad, it’s Brett.”

“Brett!!! OMG Brett, OMG! It’s soooo good to hear from you – how’s the offseason going? You ready to return?”

“Oh yeah Brad, I’m coming back. But hey listen, I wanted to know if you could help me out with something?”

“For realsies?! Yes! Of course – ANYTHING!”

“Well, first and foremost I don’t want to go to training camp. So you can suck it if you think I’m showing up.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. Training camp is totally not cool and I wouldn’t expect somebody as wonderful and as awesome as you are to attend.”

“Cool. Secondly, I want to pull a prank on the media again this year. First, I’m going to string them along like I usually do and not tell them what my plans are. What I need you to do is string them along from your end, too.”

“Got it – done. This is so cool…”

“Then, I’m going to slip Peter King some information that my ankle isn’t healing well and how I’m still not decided about whether or not to come back.”

“Oooooh – I love Peter King!”

“Yeah, he’s awesome – now quiet down. Then, when I’m at the ESPYs, I’m going to make it seem like I’m coming back. Shortly after that, you’re going to fly down to see me at my home…”

“Oh, can I stay with you?!”

“Uh, nah – we’ll get you a hotel. Anyway, that will fuel the speculation about my return. But a couple weeks after that, I’ll tell the media how I’ve gained 14 pounds since last season, which will once again plant the seed of doubt.”

“I’m so excited to hear how this turns out….”

“Then, in early August, we’ll let it slip that I’ve told Vikings officials that I’m not coming back. It’ll be bananas – everyone will think I’m retiring.”

“That……is……so…..awesome! I love it! But you’re really coming back right?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Wait, you’re really going to come back right?”

“Sure.”

“Why don’t I believe you?”

“It’ll be fine – trust me.”

“Well okay! I’m in!”

“Great, talk to you later, Brad.”

“Uh Brett?………I love you.”

(Dial tone)

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