Jessica Simpson’s plan to destroy the Cowboys
The Onion is at it again.
Here’s an excerpt.
Speaking to reporters she had invited into her impenetrable subterranean Texas lair on Monday, Jessica Simpson gloated over the victory she recently achieved after nearly two years of using her personal charms, her unique brand of cunning, and every resource at her disposal to meticulously plot the downfall of the Cowboys’ 2007 season.
“Ever since I was a little girl growing up in football-obsessed Texas, it’s been a dream of mine to completely bring the evil, arrogant Cowboys organization and its boorish and cocky fans to their knees. But the suave and sophisticated players on that team are nigh-unapproachable for a nice country girl like me,” Simpson declared from her Throne of Thorns, situated in the surveillance room of her headquarters. “And then I saw Tony. Instantly I knew that he was the weak link, the keystone, the only one for me to exploit.”
If just one woman could ruin an entire franchise, it would be Jessica Simpson…well okay, there’s probably others, but man is she hot…
Not only is she hot, she’s also smart as a whip.
Haha – well if that isn’t clear, I don’t know what is…
Sad part is, a majority of Cowboy fans believe this is true. At least they’ll have a lot of time on their hands now to think about it.
Please send Jessica to my place – I want to get ruined.
This is absolutely rediculous. I guess she can take the credit for every quarterback who was sacked or threw interceptions? I’m sure Tony Romo can have any woman he wants. Why would she be a distraction?